I don't know what it is about pregnancy that brings out the weird in people but, for whatever reason, it does. I was on the receiving end of some truly creepy comments during my first pregnancy, and my second seemed to signal to everyone that missed the opportunity the first time around, to say what was on their mind. There were all kinds of inappropriate, creepy things people said to my husband when I was pregnant, too. I guess, in retrospect, those comments deserved more than us just laughing or brushing them off, because ew.
At the time of my first pregnancy, my husband and I weren't married or engaged, so the majority of the aforementioned comments usually came in the form of curious questions (for example, our marriage plans and as if we had no other choice but to get married). It was a strange time, and while we wanted to focus on what kind of future we wanted, everyone seemed to lose their filters and talk to us about a future they had already decided we needed.
After that first pregnancy and after I had delivered our baby girl, conversations shifted and started pointing towards my weight and health, as if all of a sudden every person I knew had mysteriously attended medical school. My relationship with my partner was strained for awhile as a result, and especially as I battled postpartum depression and was learning to be a new mom, but at least the unwanted comments I endured during pregnancy were done and over with, right? Nope.
Years later — when we had difficulty conceiving again and after two miscarriages — the weird conversations started when people started asking when we'd have another baby, completely ignorant to how long we'd been trying already. Once I successfully became pregnant, those creepy things I heard with the first pregnancy came right back — only magnified. On that note, here's some totally awful things people said to my husband when I was pregnant that, for the record, aren't OK. Ever.
"Is It Yours?"
For the record, it's never polite to ask this question to any father — expectant or not. If you're a stranger trying to make a joke (as I heard more than a few times within earshot), it's even more inappropriate than if a concerned family member asks. Dear everyone: just stop.
"Was It An Accident?"
Our first pregnancy wasn't planned, but I'd never refer to my daughter as "an accident." That pregnancy may not be what we envisioned experiencing at the time, and it certainly was a surprise (I was on birth control), but when well-meaning people asked my partner this, it felt as if my daughter's life was nothing more than a disappointing discovery when, actually, she's one of the best things that's ever happened to us.
"Did You Have A Lot Of Sex?"
It's super creepy when anyone delves into the intimate parts of my marriage, especially without me speaking out about it first. My hormones did different things with each pregnancy and yet, I never felt the need to tell the world about what I did with them. It's a total bro question and it's gross. So what if we did? So what if we didn't? Stop being a creep.
"Is She Crazy Hormonal?"
Check yourself because not all pregnancies mean raging hormones. Yes, I was hormonal, and yes, I acted irrationally on occasion and as a result, but no it's no one's business.
"Does She Let You Have A Life?"
When people would make this rude assessment about my relationship with my husband, it made me angry. I was pregnant, not a monster. Even though both pregnancies were high-risk and exhausting, my husband has always been free to do as he pleases.
Also, I forgot to ask how this, too, is other people's business?
"Better Get Yourself Fixed"
When a random person on the street sees my husband and I (obviously pregnant) walking, and tries to make a short-sided joke about not making any more humans, I get riled up. Maybe I want 10 kids, maybe I don't want another child at all, or maybe you should think about what my husband and I went through to have this pregnancy (a hell of a lot). It's just not funny.
"Make Sure She Breastfeeds"
Never, and I repeat never, ever throw unsolicited advice towards me, or my husband, when I'm expecting. I attempted breastfeeding with my first, and failed. It left some near-permanent emotional damage between my daughter and I. When pregnant with my son, I already knew I couldn't go through that again. It doesn't matter which side of the fence you're on (breast or bottle), stay off my lawn.
Plus, my husband does not own my body. The only person who gets to decide what I do with any part of my being, is me. My breasts are mine, not his, so any decision about breastfeeding were going to be made by me. Not him.
*Says Nothing But Touches My Belly*
People can be creepy without saying a word. There' s no better proof than when I was at my biggest (around nine months), waddling through a grocery store, only to have complete strangers go in for the belly touch. No, no, and nope. My husband's always been too polite to say anything, but at that point I would've slapped any hand laid upon me for the sake of protecting my baby.
So really, don't even think about it or suffer the potential consequences.