There are so many gross things mom do on a daily basis. The number of times my daughter has walked up to me, only to hand over something "gooey" that used to be on her finger, is nothing short of appalling. However, on vacation, and when typical routines and systems are out of place, being a mom somehow becomes even more disgusting. Yes, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the gross things every mom does on vacation with her kids knows no bounds. I've done all of them at least once, and our daughter isn't even 2 yet, you guys. So, I mean, if you're a mother I hope you have a stomach of steal.
Perhaps the grossest thing I've had to do as a mom on vacation — which just so happens to be the very thing that made me forget I was actually on a vacation at all — was spend 30 minutes in an airport bathroom washing a car seat, all thanks to a rather impressive diaper blow out. If you're not aware, airport bathroom sinks are so small and those paper towels they provide shred really quickly. Needless to say, those grueling 30 minutes did not qualify as "vacation time." In fact, most of the gross moments moms are forced to endure on vacation will make us moms feel like getting a break from parenthood is nothing short of impossible. I would even go so far to say they're the exact reason why we all get home from "vacation" needing another vacation.
So if you feel like you're alone in your vacation agony, try to remember that all moms do the following gross things when they're taking a break from the real world with their kids. No, really. We do. Unfortunately.
They Let Their Kids Skip Baths
We spent 10 days in Ireland last year with my 1-year-old daughter. For some reason (probably the cold air, honestly) she refused to go in the tub at my in-laws' home. So 10 days of sort-of-sponge-bathing my kid later, and she was pretty dirty. Still, we avoided the apocalypse that is her tantrums, so at least we had that going for us.
They Change Diapers Whenever, Wherever
I think it's probably terrible plane etiquette, but I've changed my baby's diaper on my lap in the middle of an airplane more times than I can count. I try not to do it with poopy diapers, but wet ones? Totally. In fact, I'll change my daughter just about anywhere (that's a flat surface) when I'm on vacation and/or we're traveling.
They Feed Their Kids Really Old Snacks
I don't know how it happens, but snacks get so gross so quickly when you're on vacation. However, when things get stressful you can bet I'm whipping out the crusty granola bar that's been sitting in the bottom of the diaper bag for two months. Have at it, kid!
They Let Them Their Kids Crawl On Hotel Room Floors
I glanced at a headline about hotel room floors and their lack of cleanliness one time and, honestly, I haven't been able to get it out of my head since. However, when I'm on vacation and staying in a hotel room with a crawling baby, there's almost no way to avoid it. Allowing my daughter to crawl on the beds means having to watch her every move, and I just don't have time (or the anxiety medication) for that. Germs be damned, my friends.
They Put Their Kids In Dirty Clothes
Despite how often we travel, I still can't seem to pack perfectly for myself or my daughter. In the end and always, one of us will be left without a critical piece of clothing. One trip I forgot socks. On another trip I forgot a second set of pajamas. We aren't always able to do laundry on vacation, so that usually means my daughter will be wearing dirt, oatmeal-covered pajamas more than once.
They Share Their Toothbrushes With Their Kids
Along with extra pajamas, I usually forget my daughter's toothbrush and non-fluoride toothpaste. Out of all the gross mom things I have done while traveling, this one probably freaks me out the most. Still, sugary vacation food freaks me out even more, so if my daughter has to use my toothbrush before I can buy another one, oh well.
They Clean Up All The Messes With Baby Wipes
You know who stands to make a lot of money in the world? Someone who could come up with a way to wash vomit from car seats "on the go." It's not like you ever need to wash vomit from your car seat when you're just sitting in the driveway. Oh no, it's always on the road, when the kid has had too many french fries or the rear facing seat is just too much for a little one on windy roads.
Cleaning vomit from a car seat on the side of the road, using only baby wipes and half a bottle of water, is one of the top grossest vacationing moments I've had.
They Don't Care About Vomit (Or Anything Else) On Their Clothes
We have friends who have traveled with their four kids for decades. Their best traveling story, the story that trumps all other gross parenting stories, involved projectile diarrhea that ended up on an airplane window (not to mention everywhere else). My partner and I haven't endured that one yet, but I've definitely needed a change of clothes on a plane with a sick and stinky lap child, only to be forced to sit in those clothes until we arrived at our destination.
Motherhood is just the most glamorous, right?