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8 Thoughts Every Pregnant Woman Has When She's Puking Her Guts Out

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Morning sickness is one of the most common ailments pregnant women endure in their first trimester. Many expectant mamas experience nausea by itself (which is awful, don't get me wrong), but those of us who have vomiting know how much worse it can get. It's different than throwing up from the flu or from a night of one-too-many martinis. It sucks in a singular way, and that's why every pregnant woman is thinking the same thing when she's puking her guts out.

According to the American Pregnancy Association (APA), 60-70 percent of pregnant women experience vomiting as a side effect of morning sickness. Count me among them. During my first pregnancy, it got so bad that it landed me in urgent care. I needed IV fluids to address my dehydration. It was definitely worse the first trimester, but I continued to throw up randomly throughout my pregnancy. It's not any better this time around, either. Just the other day, I found my 11 week pregnant self leaning out my car door, revisiting my breakfast in the parking lot of a dentist's office.

I can't think of an instance when throwing up feels good, but at least you usually get some relief. When you're pregnant, you just go back to feeling like hot garbage. If you're in the throes of tossing your pregnant cookies, I feel you, and I have a feeling I know what's going through your mind:

"This Can't Be Good For The Baby"

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That all this vomiting will hurt the baby is a pretty common fear. I mean, how can they be getting any nutrients if you aren't? My midwife assured me, however, that baby will take what they need from mom, and she was right. According to BabyMed, vomiting normally does not harm the fetus, and in case this was on your list of worries, retching won't cause miscarriage.

However, if you get to the point where you can't keep anything (liquids or solids) down, or you're losing weight, you may have a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum. In that case, you do want to see a doctor because severe dehydration can hurt your baby.

"How Much Longer?"

I don't care which pregnancy you're on, if you have severe vomiting, you know exactly how many weeks you are. Like, I know I am 11 weeks and one day and I absolutely count that one day because it puts me that much closer to the magical 12 week mark where most women experience relief.

"Oh, God. Please Don't Let Me Pee."

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Yep, so this is a thing. Not only can you leak a little when you sneeze or cough, the act of vomiting can also make you urinate. It's called stress-induced incontinence, friends, and let this voice of experience tell you that, without a single doubt, it's the goddamn worst. When I'm hunched over that porcelain bowl, I'm praying to all the gods that my pantyliner holds up.

"Did Everyone Hear That?"

It's one thing to throw up in the privacy of your own home, but public barfing is its own circle of hell. I don't know about you, but I am not a quiet puker. So when I open the bathroom door and do the Starbucks walk of shame, I just know that every patron has been listening (and judging) over their peppermint mochas.

"Gross. Splash Back."

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When we were kids, my sister dared me to drink toilet water. She assured me it was sanitary because she'd just flushed and it was "fresh" water. I understand now how evil she was being. You guys, the toilet water is not clean, and this is never more evident than when you blow chunks into it only to have it splash back onto your forehead (although I won't judge you if you are momentarily refreshed).

"I Have Regrets"

Those barbecue-flavored Pringles don't look so good now, do they?

"F*ck You, Vitamin B6 & Ginger"

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When you've taken preventive measures, vomiting can feel like a personal affront. I can personally take Zofran and puke 30 minutes later, so I know this to be true. There are any number of vomiting remedies you can try, so it feels extra bad when nothing works. (I'll tell you where you can stick your seasickness bands.)

"Never Again"

Holding my hair back as I lost my curry, my husband gently chided, "Just remember this next time you think you want another baby." Annoying, yes, but not wrong. We are actually capping our family at two kids because I'm not willing to do this again. I'll do it once more for this baby, but I can think of a million things I'd rather do than throw up for two straight months.

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