My partner and I rarely fight, but I would be lying if I said we always see eye-to-eye on every single thing. In fact, one of the things I love most about our relationship is that we've learned to disagree and debate in a healthy way. I learn more from him than form someone who emphatically agrees with me on every single thing. However, sometimes (and especially when you have a new baby) arguing is just too taxing. Thankfully, in the throes of postpartum life my baby successfully ended arguments between my partner and I like it was his job. I mean, the kid may or may not have a future as a mediator. Remains to be seen, but the signs are there.
Of course, my partner and I weren't yelling or screaming at one another. We weren't calling one another names or being abusive to one another in any way. I feel like thats something that should be said and emphasized and repeated as needed, especially as someone who grew up in an abusive household and tried far too many times (and usually at the risk of my physical safety) to end an altercation between my father and my mother. It's never a child's job to fix your relationship. Ever.
However, parenthood is exhausting and taxing and usually confusing. You won't always agree with your partner about how to parent your kid the "right way," which means a few healthy debates and subsequent discussions are bound to happen. Sometimes they're frustrating, sometimes they're exhausting, but usually they're easily resolved if you two have learned how to handle disagreements in a positive, healthy, and supportive way. Especially if you have a kid who does the following things:
Pooped All Over Everything
I mean, nothing is going to squash a pretty inconsequential disagreement like a buttload of poop. Whatever my partner may or may not have been failing to see eye-to-eye on, sure doesn't matter when my son has poop all the way up his back.
Spit Up. On My Partner's Face.
This particular disagreement-ender is one of my top five mom moments of all time. My partner and I were disagreeing about a pacifier, and whether or not it was a good idea to allow our son to use one one a regular basis (yay, new parenthood). All of a sudden, while seemingly asleep in his father's arms post-breastfeeding session, my son woke up and spit all over my partner's face.
I. Couldn't. Stop. Laughing. In fact, if I think about it for too long I will start cracking up. It was one of those hilarious, beautiful moments that reminded us both that what we really cared about was this little vomit-machine. We might have had different ideas on how to keep him happy and healthy and safe, but we both wanted the same thing. Always.
Spit Up. On My Face.
It was definitely not as "cute" or "memorable" or "funny" when it happened to me, though. At least our son is an equal opportunity spitter.
Threw A Toy That Hit My Partner
I don't know about any other babies, as I only have the one, but our son has a ridiculous amount of strength. It's almost terrifying, but certainly impressive. So even at the tender age of 6 months, the kid could throw like a post-high school kid trying out for the minor leagues.
So, when my partner and I were debating who the best NFL team of the 2016 season was (clearly, the Seattle Seahawks) and a rogue toy hit my partner in the nose, I cared less about my football team's failing offensive line and more about my partner's nose. It was hilarious.
Made A Noise
We were those parents, you guys. If my kid made the slightest noise, the rest of the world just ended. I didn't care about what was going on, who was saying what, or whatever other responsibility had. I was there, phone in hand and ready to start recording, just marveling at my little baby. So, yeah, making a tiny little sound was capable of shutting me right the hell up.
Moved A Body Part
The only thing more amazing than my son making a tiny sound, was my son moving any single part of his body. For a pretty significant amount of time, him moving something as small as his pinkie finger would render me speechless. I still had a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that he was there — actually outside of my body, as a fully-functioning human being — so it was just mind-boggling that he was capable of moving his limbs.
Anytime my partner and I had a disagreement about what to have for dinner, or what to watch once the baby went to sleep, all I had to do was notice my kid moving any part of his body and all was forgotten.
Showed Us His "Pooping Face"
I mean, come one. How could anyone have a debate-bone in their body while watching a baby force out a poop. If Congress would just put a bunch of pooping babies on the floor during each one of their sessions, this country would get sh*t actually accomplished.
Smiled In His Sleep
This. This was my favorite part about having a newborn (besides the cuddles and the fact that you could set them somewhere and they would actually sit still).
I remember my partner and I talking about an upcoming trip to see his mother, quietly disagreeing about the route to take and how long we should stay. All of a sudden, our son flashed us both a smile while sleeping on my chest. We immediately shut up, wiped a few preemptive tears from our eyes, and just sat in that blissful moment.
So, yes, while having a baby can be stressful and put a strain on even the most stable of relationships, a baby is also a great unifier. You don't have to look far to realize that even when you disagree, you both will always agree on the same thing: your baby is the best thing you two have ever done. Ever.