I'd like to tell you that the only reason I co-sleep with my son is because it's beneficial for him. In fact, it would probably be easy to convince people that's true. Co-sleeping helped my son regulate his body temperature directly after he was born (doctors had us skin-to-skin the first night of his life) so I could say, "It helped him, so I continued" and most would buy it. I'd be lying, though. I co-sleep because it's freakin' easy, you guys. So. Easy. Sure, there are co-sleeping moments that prove I'm a hot mess mom, but those co-sleeping moments also help me get more sleep, stay in bed longer and genuinely assist me in having a somewhat easier start to a day I can only assume will turn into a complete disaster (you know, like most of my days).
These days, I'm all about effortless efficiency. If I can do something without exerting too much energy, that still accomplishes what I need to accomplish, I'm all about it. That's co-sleeping, dear reader. My son will fall asleep quicker and sleep longer if he can kick his mother in the face, apparently, so I'll take a few shots and deal with some (read: a lot) of pee-stained sheets if it means I can have five more minutes of sleep in the morning. How else am I going to deal with working a full time job and dealing with a tantrum-throwing 2-year-old son and make it to my favorite Chinese takeout restaurant in time (again) for another late-night dinner, if I have to wake up seventeen times in the middle of the night because my kid sleeps in the other room? Yeah, that's not the name of my parenting game, my friends. I want easy. I want smart. I want, you know, unconsciousness.
So, while I can't deny the many benefits co-sleeping provides my son, I also can't deny that — because Im a proud and rather shameless hot mess mom — co-sleeping just makes more sense for me. Personally, if it's going to help me make my way through a particularly trying day (or just a day in which I forget something my son needs or I'm running late to another appointment or I'm finally realizing I've spent all day with my three-day-old yoga pants on backwards), I'm all about it. So, you know, hot mess co-sleeping moms unite. There's a support group for us, right?
When You Sleep On A Towel Because You Already Know
In my defense, I think this proves I have my sh*t together. I mean, if anything I'm prepared. Sure, I guess I could have spent more time potty training my kid to the point that he can make it through an entire night without peeing all over the damn place, but that sounds like a lot more work than simply putting down some towels and calling it an evening. This way, if he wets the bed I won't have to wash the sheets (again) and if he doesn't, those towels are ready to be used the next morning after our respective showers. Win-win, my friends.
When Your Kid Pees The Bed And You Just Roll Over And Go Back To Sleep
You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night and do another load of laundry because my kid has the bladder the size of a peanut that magically produces more pee than any one human being should be able to produce. Isn't pee sterile, anyway?
So, yeah. I'm not proud of it, per say, but I value my sleep, you guys. I'll deal with the gigantic pee spot in the morning. This is what the towels are for.
When You Give Up Your Bed And Sleep On The Floor
When my kid sleeps I sleep, so if I have to give up my entire bed in the name of sweet, sweet unconsciousness, so be it. I never thought that I would let some mini-human control my life to this extent, but here we are.
When You Put Your Kid To Sleep In Your Bed Because There's No Use Pretending That Won't Be Where They End Up
My partner and I bought our son a toddler bed when he was a year old. He slept in it like a champ. Well, at first. He can fall asleep all by himself like a boss, but around midnight or 1:00 am, here he comes: ready to position himself in the middle of our bed and push my partner and I to our respective corners like he owns the place.
So, when I don't want to deal or wake up to the sound of my son's defiant, pitter-pattering feet, I will just have him fall asleep in my bed and call it a night. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?
When Your Backup Blankets Have Backup Blankets
We have a pile of blankets just in case pee happens on our regular sheets and comforter, and then we have a backup pile of blankets for our backup blankets because pee usually happens more than once.
Again, you could say this is a clear-cut sign of my hot mess way of life, but I think this is just smart planning. Sure, the pile of laundry in my bedroom is ridiculous, but that's neither here nor there.
When You Have Extra Diapers And A Change Of Clothes Under Your Pillow
It gets a little uncomfortable, but it also means I don't have to actually get out of bed to change my kid's pee clothes or put him in a new diaper before the pee clothes happen. I'm all about efficiency (read: laziness) these days.
When You Take Up Yoga Just So You Can Find A New Way To Balance Yourself On The Edge Of The Bed
I'm not doing those damn online yoga tutorials for my health, you guys. I'm doing them because I am sick and tired of falling off the bed every single time my kid throws a fist or a leg in my general direction. Enough is enough, I sometimes say when I'm at the end of my figurative rope and one fall away from a nasty bruise.
Thanks to some YouTube videos, I can balance on the edge of my bed like an olympic gymnast.
When You Decide "It Doesn't Smell Like Pee" Means Your Sheets Are Clean
Laundry detergent is expensive and laundromats are depressing and I'm not going to be spending every single solitary free moment I have sitting in a room with a bunch of washer or dyers. So if it can pass the "smell test," I say it's good to go (same goes with clothes, in case you were wondering).
When You Claim Co-Sleeping Is For Your Kid, But It's Really For You
Sure, my kid benefits from co-sleeping, but so do I. I'm not above admitting that co-sleeping is just easier and usually ends in a few more minutes of much-needed sleep for yours truly. Sure, it sometimes feel like human pee runs my life, but I can deal with a little pee if it means I get to actually dream one sweet, blissful dream. #Priorities.