9 Signs Your Cat Thinks Your Baby Is Lowkey Evil
Since the beginning of time, cats have been arbitrarily given a bad reputation — as witches' familiars, shapeshifters, and even the assholes trying to steal your baby's breath while they sleep. But any cat owner can tell you that despite their tendency to knock things off tables, cats are pretty awesome. I personally think cats are great pets for parents, too. I have, however, noticed that my cats don't seem very fond of the whole "family arrangement." In fact, if you have a cat and a baby, it's likely that your cat thinks your baby is lowkey evil.
Don't believe me? Well, you're probably missing some tell-tale signs. Does your cat avoid your newborn at all costs? Do they jump 12 feet in the air if your baby makes a sound? If so, they likely think this loud, smelly creature is at least a little bit evil. Or maybe they climb into the baby's crib? They are obviously trying to protect you from your evil spawn. Do they seem nervous around the baby, with its grabby fingers and razor-sharp claws? Or are they jealous of its seemingly magical ability to take your attention away from them, especially since they are used to being the center of your universe? Whatever the signs, it's clear that your cat thinks your baby is evil. Pure evil, my friends.
If you are just noticing these signs for the first time, don't worry. As long as you are careful to keep your baby and "fur baby" out of trouble and out of each other's evil clutches, in time, your cat and baby are likely to find a way to peacefully co-exist. They might even team up and create a few evil shenanigans of their own, in which case you'll be in some serious trouble.
They Keep Staring At Them Waiting For Them To Attack
From the day you bring your baby home from the hospital, your cat is likely to be suspicious of your warm little bundle of sounds and smells. Your baby likely seems loud, weird, and unlike the big human friends they are used to. Your cat probably figures that they had been keep an eye on your baby, lest they do something evil.
They Won't Come Near You If You Are Holding Your Baby
While my cats like to climb all over me all day long, they won't come close to me the realize I am holding the baby. My son seems to totally freak my cat out.
They Totally Don't Know What To Make Of It
Sometime, my cats will actually come over to check things out. They seem really confused and a little afraid of the newest member of our family. Is it a cat or a human? It's so small, yet it makes so much noise? And now that my son's started to take interest in them, they are more than a little nervous about him and what he might do.
The Slightest Peep From Your Baby Makes Them Jump
Have you ever seen a cat jump 10 feet in the air? That's exactly what my kitten did when the baby squeaked at her for the first time on his first day home from the hospital. It was epic, and hilarious, but I am pretty sure the cat was not amused at all.
They Won't Stop Jumping In The Crib
Anyone who has cats knows that it's pretty impossible to train them to, well, do anything. Cats don't really care what their human caregivers want them to do. So, yeah, trying to train the cat to stop sleeping in our baby's crib or bassinet was an exercise in futility. It was cute and a little bit creepy, all at the same time. I mean, what if cats do steal baby's breath? I'm pretty sure it was a sign that she thought he was evil.
They Are Super Jealous
OMG are my cats jealous of the baby. They regularly jump into my lap when I am holding or feeding him and even steal his bottles and toys. No kitty, that milk is not for you, and bring back that pacifier, please.
They Try To Protect You
It seems like every time I am carrying the baby, one of my cats tries to trip me. I don't think are trying to hurt me, though. I am pretty certain they are just trying to protect me from the evil baby who has me completely under his spell.
They Keep You Up All Night
Since our son was born, we've had to keep our bedroom door shut at night to keep the cats from jumping into his bassinet, waking him up, or, you know, stealing his soul. Which works, but now we have to cope with meowing and crying cats outside our door all night. I'm starting to think the cats and baby are conspiring against sleep.
They Decide To Come To The Dark Side
Eventually, our cats have joined the dark side and warmed up to this lowkey evil being who now resides in our house and our hearts. They are actually becoming best buddies. I am pretty sure they still think he's evil, but he's theirs, and they have learned to co-exist.