Do you ever wonder what your baby is thinking while you spend your time, well, thinking about them? I rarely do, but it's certainly a nice distraction from the circular headache of thinking about sleep regressions or sleep training. I say, if only for a moment, take a break from calculating your chances of death via insomnia, and instead enjoy a little daydream about the thoughts your baby has during a sleep regression. It's like counting sheep, sorta.
When I look back at photos of my daughter from when she was very small, or those seemingly never-ending months when all I can remember is that she would never sleep, I'm often struck by the looks on her little face. She's clearly thinking about something, and her early side-eye makes me think she would have had a lot to say about a sleep regression. You know, if she was old enough to talk, that is.
This list of things your baby might be (read: probably is) thinking when they're having a sleep regression makes me think of the If You Give A Mouse A Cookie books. You know, when one thing leads to another. I love imagining my baby's thought process just like those books, as though her cries and whines are code for complex little thoughts in her sweet little head.
"Is Sleep Actually Necessary?"
You know they're thinking that, right? They're wondering what this whole charade is even about and if the exhausting routine you've worked so tirelessly to provide them is at all worth it.
They're definitely wondering if they can get away with being awake forever.
"Why Are They Shushing At Me?"
Why do they keep making that noise? Do they know they sound ridiculous? I wonder how long I can make them keep shushing like that. Maybe until they turn blue and fall over and leave me alone?
"Why Do They Keep Talking About Sleep Training?"
This sleep training thing you speak of? Yeah, we need to talk about that. This whole ordeal doesn't sound like it's going to be a fun time for me at all. I much prefer this party time at 2 a.m. we've got going on right now, thank you very much.
"It's Very Dark, What Do You Think They're Doing Right Now?"
It's very dark in here and everyone is ridiculously quiet. Maybe they've left? Let me just check and see where they are real quick.
"I Definitely Need A Snack"
Hmm, milk sounds delicious right about now. Or a cracker? Maybe a banana. But probably only two bites of a banana before I might need to smear it around a little. That's always satisfying.
"Is That The TV? Elmo? Hello?"
Where's Elmo? If they're out there watching Sesame Street without me, I'll never forgive them.
"OK I Definitely Need Another Snack!"
Just one more snack, you guys. That's all I ask. Just another two bites of banana and some smearing and I'll definitely be ready for bed then.
"Someone Give Me All The Cuddles"
Oh, but a cuddle sounds just perfect right now. All cozy in mom's lap. Oh, I know, maybe a rock in the rocking chair? Now that sounds like heaven.
"These Pajamas Are Definitely Too Small"
Seriously, guys, you cannot get any more wear out of these freaking pajamas. Retire them already! My feet are squished!