Fortnite Monopoly Has Arrived, So Your Kids Might Actually Step Away From The Screen Now

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My son could write sonnets about Fortnite. He could pen lyrical songs about his love of all things Epic Games and Battles Royale, and hidden treasures galore. Granted, they would mostly be about scaring the poop out of enemy combatants — and whatever words he rhymed with "poop," but I digress. Fortnite is life in our home, and it turns out that the board game everyone is searching for takes the online game offline and combines it with a perennial favorite. Fortnite Monopoly is the board game we didn't know we needed, and now a whole new generation of players will find themselves passing "go" and collecting their due.

There have been many iterations of Monopoly over the years, and so it should come as no surprise that Hasbro has latched onto this cultural zeitgeist and set upon a fun redesign of their classic board game of rents and penalties. Instead of Boardwalk and Park Place, your options mirror the world of Fortnite, as the Hasbro website explains, with such landmarks as the Dusty Divot and Tilted Towers. And the rules aren't quite the same either. In the new Fortnite Monopoly there are battles, and instead of playing for pink and green paper cash, you're playing for much-needed health points, given out in the form of small cardboard disks emblazoned with the same green and white notation as is on the animated game.

Needless to say, people have many thoughts about this.

For those of us who still bear the very real scars from their little brother flinging the Monopoly board across the room in anger and having it slice across your bicep, you may also ask, "Why?" Why combine a game that your children already won't stop talking about with a game that won't ever end? What could possibly go wrong? Well, I say fooey to those naysayers. Learning just how much rage you can feel over a two by two inch space of colored cardboard is a vital lesson one learns growing up.

This fun combination also has the benefit of being the eleventh most wanted toy on Ebay's 50 hottest toys of the season, so not only is your child going to request this year for the Holidays — so is every other kid on the planet. Get ready to throw some bows, Moms and Dads, because you just know that someone is going to run into Target, buy up the stock, and start charging $100 a pop for the game priced originally for $20. It happens every year.

Fortnite Monopoly

$20

eBay

Hasbro's special edition Fortnite Monopoly features the famous characters from the ever-popular online game as well as popular locations like the Dusty Divot and Tomato Town. Gamers challenge each other and are awarded with health points instead of traditional currency.

Even though Fortnite has been around for a few years, its popularity shows no signs of slowing down. If anything, it's become more embedded in the world of gaming with every new season they release. Epic Games really knows how to lure in the kiddos with their comic-book esque silly characters and ridiculous plotlines. It's now a ubiquitous part of online gaming, and we all just go along with the added monthly cost, grateful for a few moments to drink wine in relative peace while our children defeat their inflatable llama wearing enemies.

Pro tip: Fortnite may be the most popular thing for kids since the internet, but it's also a fantastic tool to get your kids to do what you want them to in Target or the grocery store. How is that? I'll tell you: Learn the dances. The Fortnite character dances are all the rage right now, with Flossing, Groove Jamming, Fresh (also known as the Carlton dance), and the Hype all making great options. Once you learn these dances— even if poorly, or perhaps especially if poorly — you can employ them to get your kids moving by doing said dances in public. Your children will be so mortified that they will immediately acquiesce to your demands. Don't believe me? Try it for yourself, and maybe, if you embarrass them too badly, head to the toy section and pick up Fortnite Monopoly to make up for it.