I'll be the first to admit that I love a holiday spiced treat. As soon as Starbucks releases their pumpkin spice lattes and gingerbread Frappuccinos I'm at the front of the line to sample the festive beverages. I love seasonally scented candles, and even a silly Christmas cereal or two, but I'll admit, when I heard about holiday-flavored dental floss, which is apparently now a thing, I might have scratched my head a little bit.
I appreciate dental hygiene as much as the next person. It's important for my overall health, according to the American Dental Association, and it keeps my teeth from feeling like they're wearing sweaters. It's a win all around. However, I never gave much thought to the flavor of my dental floss, and I certainly never felt as though it was missing that holiday element, even as I listened to "The Hanukkah Song" whilst going about my routine. Color me surprised when I learned that I was going about my flossing all wrong, and that I was neglecting the inherent holiday joy available to me by flossing with new apple cinnamon-flavored holiday dental floss from Plackers.
Who knew I was missing out on such a potentially festive flossing experience? All this time, I just thought they needed to be fresh and clean; it turns out they also need to be merry and bright.
Because after you've finished all your pecan pie and turkey, and you really need to sparkle up those chompers, you may as well do yourself a solid and keep your dental floss in theme. Do it for the 'gram?
This is definitely going on my list of completely unnecessary holiday-themed products that I may in fact buy anyway. (Should you agree with me, Plackers Apple Cinnamon Flossers are available at locations including Rite Aid and Walgreens, as well as the Plackers website, where 4 bags of 60 flossers are $8.) It's right up there with pumpkin spice-flavored Land O' Lakes butter spread, which, by the way, is delicious, and sweet pumpkin spiced wine. While I don't drink it straight up, it is a delight when mixed with cognac and a bit of cranberry juice. We'll call it Thanksgiving sangria. It helps you forget all those relatives still gathered in your living room, making it a valuable asset to any holiday celebration.
There are myriad products around the holidays that I find completely unnecessary and don't buy. At the top of that list is that shelf-stable summer sausage and cheese sold in crates in the mall at Christmas. Who buys those? Why do they exist? The same goes for the turkey and gravy flavored potato chips. I actually tasted those a few days ago, and I think I still taste them when I burp. It's not great. Will a holiday-flavored dental floss remove the taste of regret from between your teeth after you eat it? Probably not. It's a floss pick, not a miracle.
Also, can we be frank for a minute? The Plackers holiday floss is mostly silly and definitely meant to be a funny product to buy around the holidays, which is kinda great, and still it maintains its usefulness even in this presentation. This isn't true of all holiday products.
I'm just going to say it. Peppermint is lovely in some circumstances. I, for one, am never far from a tin of my favorite curiously strong Altoids. But, though many disagree, it does not make everything more Christmassy because it happens to be red and white. Just because you call Peppermint Stick ice cream a holiday flavor does not mean it's not toothpaste ice cream. (It is.) Also, eggnog flavor is OK, and boozy eggnog is even better, but an eggnog latte is the work of an evil Christmas elf who desperately wanted on the Island of Misfit Toys, so he came up with that diabolical drink. Too bad people actually like it, and now he's stuck making tanks of it from the North Pole, each batch just containing just a little more sadness.
He should get some fancy dental floss. I've heard that there's a link between oral health and happiness.