As a new mom, hearing your baby cry is the worst. It breaks my heart every damn time. Fortunately, I have been pretty lucky and, until recently, my babies haven't cried all that much. My youngest, however, seems to have found his voice. I would give just about anything to understand why he cries and how I might prevent his crying in the first place. So, duh, I turned to astrology. I mean, can you learn how big of a crier your baby will be based on their Zodiac sign? I say it's worth a try.
I discovered the stars are pretty spot on when it comes to predicting baby cries, at least when my babies are concerned. My youngest son has major separation anxiety and cries whenever I leave the room or put him in his crib for the night. I learned that he's an Aquarius — a sign known for hating being left alone. So there's my explanation, my friends. My oldest son only cried when he needed something immediate, like a diaper change or meal. Which makes sense, because he's a calm but assertive Scorpio. Again, his astrological profile is absolutely accurate.
Parenting a newborn is not for the faint of heart, so if you are pregnant and would like to know whether or you should stock up on tissues (for you), some good walking shoes (to carry the baby that won't let you put them down), or some good earplugs (kidding), read on for some astrological insider information.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
If your baby is a Capricorn, it's possible that nothing you do will work to soothe your savage baby. According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, people with this sign are unforgiving and dislike "almost everything at some point." So, your Capricorn baby is likely to cry a lot — when they are pissed because you put them down, when they are hungry, or for apparently no reason at all.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
My youngest was born under the sign of Aquarius. Apparently, that means he is friendly, but that he also hates being bored and loathes being lonely. This makes a lot of sense, because life with him is definitely not boring. He cries when I walk out of the room, even if he can still see me. He cries at night, because I'm not right next to him. And sleep training him? Yeah, it totally sucks.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, Pisces are both intuitive and introverted. Because they actually enjoy being alone, Pisces babies are capable of self-soothing, which is awesome. However, they can also have a tendency to be sullen. This means that Pisces babies will quietly whine in their sleep, causing you to wake and wonder whether or not you actually need to get out of bed and tend them. Most of the time the answer is no, but if you are like me you'll get up anyway, because you can't stand to hear them cry.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, Aries are passionate, enthusiastic, determined folks with a tendency to be impatient and aggressive. Your Aries baby's cried will be determined, incessant, and loud. If you are lucky, you will get short breaks in the marathon of addressing their needs. My advice: use that time to sleep. You're gonna need it.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Your Taurus baby will be stubborn, so they'll keep crying until you fix the thing that's wrong. The good news is that because they love soft fabrics and physical comfort, the thing that's wrong will almost always be a scratchy tag, tight diaper, or a room that is too hot or too cold. So, just make sure nothing ever bothers your sensitive little bull, and you'll be golden.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
My daughter is a textbook Gemini — curious, affectionate, and chatty. According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, Geminis are verbal communicators. It's true, they literally never stop talking, which, well, you sort of get used to. The good news? They won't cry all of the time. Oh no, sometimes they will talk, sing, coo, chatter, burp, or yell instead.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
As a Cancer myself, I am sorry to report that you should expect 12 months of tears if your baby is due under this sign. We are more than a little bit, well, crabby. Crying definitely comes easy and often for Cancers, especially when they are sad, happy, frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, or for seemingly no reason at all.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
A Leo is a fire sign, so they hate being ignored — a fact that will become perfectly clear when they are mad, tired, or hungry. According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, they are passionate and loving, but also have a tendency to be self-centered. They will cry until all of your attention is on them, at all hours of the day and night.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
A virgo is known for being shy and they loathe asking for help. So they may not cry much, and when they do you might not hear them. Better turn the baby monitor way up, just in case.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, Libras are peaceful and absolutely hate being alone, but they are also so indecisive. They might cry when they wake up alone, but then change their mind. In other words, prepare to go in and check on your little on after hearing them fuss, only to see them fast asleep. Again.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
My oldest son is a Scorpio, which means he's calm but also passionate and determined. He hardly ever cried as a baby, and when he did, man, was he loud and not shy at all about it. At all.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, Sagittarius-born people have a tendency to be an impatient bunch, so they will let you know that they need you. They also loathe being constrained, so it's best not to swaddle our Sagittarius baby. Chances are, that will really piss them off. Instead, try taking them on a stroller ride, or on a hike in a baby carrier, because they love a change of scenery and to explore the world.
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