In general, I don't like to reveal to many intimate, gory details about myself. But here's where I make an exception. Ahem: *pulls out bullhorn* I pooped during childbirth. It's true. And you know what? So did, like, 87 percent of the moms I know who delivered vaginally... and not an insignificant number of moms who didn't! So I wanted to share moms describing the moment they realized they were pooping during labor with y'all, because I keep sh*t real... come for the poop stories, stay for the puns.
The reason I'm so open about this fact is because there's a taboo on the subject and it's ridiculous. Everyone poops, and most everyone who gives birth will poop during birth. But ask a pregnant woman what some of her fears about childbirth are and I promise you most will include "pooping" somewhere on their list. For many it's at the very top. And here's the thing: No one who you think will care will actually care. No one is judging! They're helping guide a small human — head-first — out of your vagina. Do you really think seeing you poop is going to faze them in the slightest? And if they are judging you, screw them. Those people deserve to be pooped on. Either way, we as a society need to give way fewer f*cks about pooping during labor and delivery and, by God, if telling everyone that I crapped in front of my midwife and nurses helps chip away at that taboo then so be it.
Here's what 15 other moms had to say on this crappy subject...
"I’m still not entirely sure if I pooped, as my midwife was at the ready scooping any floating matter from the birthing pool with a fish net. ... [The fish net] was on the list of birth supplies I had to get together and I asked “Why on earth do you need a fish net?” And she just looked over her glasses with that look of “just think for a moment....don’t make me say it... ” She downplayed it so much that I truly stopped caring and ended my 'IS IT POOP?!' line of questioning."
"I’m sure I did, but it wasn’t something I noticed at all. And no one brought it up! My friends who are labor and delivery nurses insist they think absolutely nothing of it."
"I didn’t know I had pooped until a couple years later. I heard someone talking about it on TV, and I looked at my husband and said, “I didn’t do that.” His eyes got huge, his face blushed a deep red, and he began to nod. I was mortified! My husband told me it was only a little pooh in an effort to console me. I asked for an enema before my next two births to prevent any tiny poops."
"I didn't know until I asked my husband much later and he confirmed. Funny enough, that was the only thing that came out of my body naturally during my labor."
"I pooped the whole time I was pushing out my oldest. I had an epidural and they told me to bear down like I was having a bowel movement, so I did... for three hours. I realized what was happening when the nurse kept wiping my bum. With my second I didn’t have the epidural and could feel the distinct difference in how to bear down as I didn’t do directed pushing but waited for the spontaneous urge. I didn’t poop at all that time — thank goodness too because she was born in my bed at home..."
"I pooped in recovery after my C-section — I think it was all the meds that relaxed me. I also pooped during my VBAC. I think my husband is more embarrassed than I am about the whole thing. I’m pushing a human being out of my body; if a little poop gets in the way, so be it."
"So, this was not during pushing. My water broke and I drove to the hospital. I have never had to poop so bad. They were trying to find me a room and I basically begged them for a bathroom. They rushed me to a room that had just been cleaned. I went... Boy, did I go. Then realized there was no toilet paper, so I had to stick my head out and they had to give me towels to clean up. I was super embarrassed, but the nurse was not even phased. She just said my body was evacuating everything, so baby would probably be soon. Sure enough, my baby came out really fast with a couple of pushes. "
"I remember that it was no big deal. I was nervous that it was gonna happen, and when it did, the nurses said nothing, wiped it up, and got back to business. I was not embarrassed one bit."
"I remember being in labor with my first baby and having the urge to poop. I freaked out and the nurse said to me 'Honey, that's the least of our concern, you do what you gotta do — almost everyone does.' So I basically pooped my son out."
"I remember pushing with my first while at the same time trying to hold in my poop and finally realized if I didn’t just let it happen, I was never going to push my baby out. So I did, no big deal at all, and my son was born soon after."
"I pooped during crazy long labor with my first. Nobody said anything and the nurses just grabbed it and kept it moving. I had no clue. Didn’t even feel it! Only reason I figured it out was because my best friend was in the room and [made a horrified/grossed out face] and I asked through pushing what 'WTF Lauren?!'"
"I started pooping (like a lady) on the toilet, then when it was evident the baby's head was descending rapidly, my midwife asked me to head over to the bed to avoid having a "toilet baby". I then proceeded to get on my hands and knees (because I was most comfortable in that position) and sh*t like a horse in a stable. Just giant amounts of poop falling out and onto the bed. Hands down my most glamorous moment of 2015. I was also yelling "Somebody wipe me! I'm so disgustinggggg!""
"Not during labor but during contractions with my first. By the end before they gave me the epidural, every contraction I’d vomit, pee, and poop all at the same time. It was lovely and brought my husband and I even closer. "