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The One Thing You Must Remember About All Those Fabulously Pregnant Celebrities

Is it just me, or is there a weird, unspoken rule out there that we should all be on social media and sharing pregnancies like celebrities? Or maybe it’s actually a spoken rule, and I just was absent the day it was handed down? Either way, during my pregnancy (back in the good ol’ days of 2013-2014), I was specifically asked to share bump pictures online a couple times. Which is kinda sweet, if you think about it, but also, kinda...weird. I mean, I’m not famous (yet; keeping the dream alive, guys), and I don’t think my wardrobe, makeup, hairstyles necessarily need to serve as #goals for anyone (although, it’s cool might work if you're in the market for some really attainable goals). Overall, I don’t have any reason to think that the sight of me pregnant would be of any particular interest to anyone aside from friends and family and perhaps random acquaintances who may or may not be curious. (Pssh, I usually am. I can admit it. I'm basically only Facebook friends with half of those people so I can casually stalk them and never, ever talk to them.)

So, after my own experience, I cannot, in my wildest dreams, fathom what it would be like to be a pregnant celebrity. I mean, they’re already getting documented and photographed, but now we’re talking about doing it during some of the craziest months of a woman’s life?

I can't imagine being under that much highly visible scrutiny while I was pregnant. Approximately 96% of the time during my pregnancy, I wanted to be nowhere near a camera and or a recording device of any kind (even audio; I swear sometimes my son hiccuped so intensely in there that you could hear it). And the other 4% of the time? That was when I was wearing the best maternity gear I had (you know, the cute dresses handed down from my more stylish friends) and when my hair looked surprisingly thick and when I happened to be framed by flattering light and standing at a good angle, obviously. So yeah, those were the moments when we took all the pictures.

Basically, it was after I had worked at it a bunch. Needless to say, compared to celebrities — with their "effortless" pregnancy style, perfectly plated prenatal meals, and flawless hair — I was left feeling...like a sloppy, lazy pregnant person.

But then...I had an epiphany. It’s a celebrity’s job to work at looking awesome while pregnant. Like, literally their job, which they get paid to do. Lots of money, in fact, which makes them even better at their job of being the perfect pregnant person.

I assume that a normal celebrity routine is on par with we do for our weddings, or for senior prom, or for that one time when my partner and I got to be seat-fillers at an awards show and it took me so long to get ready and I put on so much make-up that my elbows got tired (but I did make eye contact with Taylor Lautner, so...worth it).

And usually, a celebrity is not even the one putting in the work! Look, I'm not saying famous people don't work. Obviously, they do. I just mean, it's not all on them to make themselves look awesome, and make their lives look so healthy and balanced. We're talking (mostly) about people of substantial means, which means that when it comes to clothes, styling, beauty products, food, healthcare, you're talking about an ability to have the best of everything, which is something most mere mortals don't have.

We're talking (mostly) about people of substantial means, which means that when it comes to clothes, styling, beauty products, food, healthcare, you're talking about an ability to have the best of everything, which is something most mere mortals don't have.

I mean, we’ve all heard that story about how Kate Middleton possibly did her own wedding makeup, right? I’m pretty sure that’s not the norm. Usually there are teams of professional involved, at least for the most high-profile moments, and then the famous lady can like, sip her coffee and scroll through her newsfeed for a half hour or 45 minutes or however long it takes, and then emerge looking like a goddess. Hey, that’s what I would do if I had the resources and I knew that a picture of me was going to be shared millions of times? I would totally trust professionals with that more than myself. (There is a reason I’ve never left the house after attempting winged eyeliner.)

It would be super easy (ahem, or it was super easy) to see pictures of these gorgeous, glorious women looking gorgeous and glorious through their entire pregnancies and think, “UGH, I am terrible at pregnancy I could never pull that off.” But I bet you (or me, or pretty much anyone) totally could if we had all the same resources. So, that’s the catch.

And I say all of this with ample amounts of respect, fist bumps, high fives, praise hand emojis, and whatever other signs of support we want to offer these women for basically crushing it and being able to provide such luxuries for themselves. But I would offer the same shows of support (and perhaps an extra hug or two) to anyone going through a pregnancy, with or without an entourage and access to a personal chef to cook you nutrient-dense macrobiotic meals everyday. Like, I don't even know what "macrobiotic" means. Did I use it right? Who knows! Not me! Probably not you! We're just out here, being pregnant in the real world, occasionally throwing some kale into a smoothie, hoping for the best. And honestly, that's pretty damn good.