In my experience, pregnancy sucks. Between my three pregnancies I had almost every complication imaginable, from anemia and hyperemesis gravidarum to preterm labor and preeclampsia. All of this was worse, I think, because I really don't handle stress, pain, or being sick all that well. I started to think, what if it's not pregnancy that makes me miserable? What if it's me that makes pregnancy seem miserable? I mean, maybe I'm just destined to be one of the most miserable pregnant women on the planet?
I consulted Astrology Zodiac Signs, to find out if the stars might shed some light on the subject. When I reviewed the characteristics of people born under the different signs of the Zodiac, I honestly didn't expect to find anything groundbreaking, which, of course, is why I was totally surprised when my profile was pretty much spot on. I am a Cancer, which supposedly means I'm loyal, imaginative, sympathetic, and persuasive. Yep, all sounds accurate so far. Cancers are also known for being emotional and pessimistic, which is also true for me, especially when I am pregnant. I was so moody, temperamental, and got seriously depressed while I was growing limbs inside my body. And when things got bad, rather than recognize that it would all be over in a few months, I started to think I would be pregnant for the rest of my damn life.
If my astrological profile was this damn accurate, I'm pretty convinced others' are, too. So, I compiled a list of the top five signs sure to be the most miserable pregnant people in the galaxy, according to the stars, that is. If you are pregnant, or planning to be, read on to find out if you'll be one of the downhearted ones.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
I'm sorry to say that if you're a Capricorn, you might be in for a terrible pregnancy. Or, rather, it will at least seem pretty goddamn terrible to you. According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, people with this sign are responsible and disciplined, but also really unforgiving and have an overwhelming tendency to expect the worst. The site lists their dislikes as "almost everything at some point," so, yeah, you probably won't like being pregnant.
Also, and unfortunately for you, dear Capricorn, pregnancy can be unpredictable and no amount of planning and self-control will ensure that your pregnancy goes according to plan. When things go wrong, you are bound to be frustrated and afraid, and just might fear the worst. Fear not, though, because at least most of the time, you are probably worrying about nothing. Chances are, after months of being surly, your baby will be born and you move on to being miserable about entirely new things.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Pisces are known for their relentless compassion and gentle nature. They're also known for being scared of pretty much everything. If you are a pregnant Pisces, chances are you are freaking out right now.
You are the type of mom-to-be who calls your doctor or midwife about every strange feeling, ache, or pain; your mind racing with overwhelming fear and panic. The good news, though? That's what your doctor is there for. I promise they've heard questions like yours before, especially if they've cared for other pregnant Pisces, and will probably be able to calm your fears.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, Aries are passionate, determined folks with a tendency to be impatient and aggressive. So yeah, expecting Aries moms have some serious expectations about how things will go. You've read books, downloaded a pregnancy app, and read everything they've given you at the doctor's office, so you know what pregnancy is supposed to be like and, dammit, it had better fall in line. When it's time to deliver, you will probably have some pretty specific requests for your birth plan, all of which are necessary.
My advice to you, dear Aries: make peace with the idea that pregnancy rarely goes as planned. Otherwise, you are bound to make yourself miserable.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
As a Cancer, I have to admit that I am a little bit biased. I mean, clearly it's the best sign of the Zodiac. I, for one, consider our tendency to be emotional a good thing. It just means that we feel all the things and love people — especially our families — deeply.
But for Cancers, pregnancy is pretty much an emotional roller coaster and physical dumpster fire. Every single symptom causes us to feel even more pessimistic and moody than normal (if that's even possible). If you were born under the sign of Cancer, you are probably going to have a miserable pregnancy. If this sounds overly pessimistic, but don't blame me. I'm a Cancer after all.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
People born under the sign of Virgo are going to have a bad time during pregnancy, for an entirely different reason. According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, Virgos are known for being shy, and hate being the center of attention. Under normal circumstances you can probably stand on the sidelines, but pregnancy has a way of making people want to talk to, touch you, and ask you deeply personal questions. Yikes.
Virgos don't like to be rude, so they will probably let these things go, and you guessed it, spend the majority of their pregnancy absolutely miserable. Then they will have to go through childbirth, with multiple people seeing and touching their naked birthing bodies. Don't be afraid to ask for some damn privacy, dear Virgo. Who knows, though, you might just become a little less shy in the process of growing and birthing a baby. And if you don't, you can blame your Zodiac sign for that.
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