Trader Joe's Gingerbread Turkey Kit Is Just The Distraction Your Kids Need

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You may think you have to wait a few more weeks to get your cookie tower building game on, but Trader Joe's is coming in clutch to get the kids out of your hair and doing something creative. Trader Joe's gingerbread turkey kit is only $8, and will undoubtedly keep your children occupied for quite awhile... praise be to the gods of mashed potatoes and absent football spouses.

The kit itself is adorable. It comes with seven sheets of pre-baked gingerbread, the dry ingredients for royal icing (you will need to provide the egg whites and vinegar, but worry not, TJ's has both), a piping bag, and nonpareil decorations. Having seen it myself, let me tell you, it's pretty big and fancy already, but it wouldn't hurt to pick up some sprinkles, sanding sugars, and gumdrops to give that gobbler a real glow up.

Also because if your kids are eating gumdrops, they are blessedly silent.

I love my children more than life itself, and I love having them in the kitchen with me, but at a certain point, Mama just wants to UberEats herself a pumpkin spice cold brew, strap her apron on like armor, and make a pile of mashed potatoes so good that her aunt doesn't feel like she is the only one who can make them properly, doing so until she's 95 and the arthritis in her fingers screams every time she goes to peel a Yukon gold. It's my personal benchmark, and I have yet to reach it. I think maybe just a little bit more melted French cultured butter, and I'll be there.

Courtesy Cat Bowen

I am an excellent baker. I can whip up everything from French macarons to perfect pistachio bird's nests, but the one thing I can not get exactly right is the gingerbread bases for gingerbread houses, and, admittedly, I am not the best at constructing them. These kits from TJ's were built to be foolproof. Not that I don't think that there isn't a real possibility that I could totally screw this up, and end up with a sad sort of peacock-looking creature who appears as though he he spent the 90s spreading butter on his body before hitting the tanning salon. But I'm not going to be the one building this; my far more artistically-talented children will be doing the designing and decorating, and they don't have to worry that the gingerbread will be too moist or too brittle. Trader Joe's made it, so it's perfect.

Yes, I am well aware of my unhealthy obsession with my beloved TJ's. I don't know who Joe is, or if he ever really existed, but I stan him to the ends of the frozen food aisle and back.

The store is just so convenient, and the Trader Joe's gingerbread turkey kit is just one example of how they are making my life easier. For example, there are very few stores that cater to such a seasonal sensibility in their customers. The rotating products are always something exciting to look forward to. Autumn is obviously the best because they have pumpkin butter and spiced cider, but there are new things arriving all year round.

Plus, I just like shopping there. It's inexpensive, their beer makes me unreasonably happy, and they always have a fresh pot of coffee at the sample station. The only thing that would possibly make the experience better would be if they handed out whole cups of coffee like they do at Publix. Although, where I live in Brooklyn, someone would probably complain about long lines to get the free cups of coffee, that's honestly just how New Yorkers roll. We're an impatient lot.