Like everyone's favorite Mean Girl, Gretchen Wieners, I live in a perpetual state of hope that my awesome ideas will catch on and become part of everyday life. Though, unlike Gretchen Wieners, my aspirations aren’t wrapped up in the idea of initiating the casual slang trends adopted by my peers. They're actually about how much I can get done during during naptime. I think it would be so fetch to actually be productive while he sleeps, but the reality? It never quite happens the way I dream it will. The sinking feeling of hearing him wake up on the monitor after I’ve squandered away the last 20 minutes reading about what the cast of Pitch Perfect 2 is up to (congrats, Skylar and Anna!) is one of my least favorite parts of motherhood. For the record, it's not that I'm mad my son is waking up (because that means it's snuggle time), I'm irked because I didn't make better use of the little free time I have. And please let's not talk about how someday he will stop napping, because right now his extra sleep keeps me just as sane as it does him.
Anyway, in case there’s anyone out there who also struggles with getting it all done you’re not alone. Allow me to share what nap time looks like at my house:
The Goal: All The Chores
What you say you’re going to do: Complete the entirety of your chore list, from "Add Soap To Dishwasher" all the way down to "Zip Up Small Suitcases Into Big Suitcases."
What you actually do: Look at the dishes in the sink, but then walk into the other room. Do a few minor tasks, like open some mail and move car keys.
The Goal: Send Emails And Get Some Work Done
What you say you’re going to do: Respond to all the pending messages in your inbox, sort them into files, and never again let your unread total get that high again.
What you actually do: browse social media, go down Internet rabbit hole to figure out what happened to the guy you sat next to in your 11th grade math class. Send one email to your mom about how cute your son looks in his overalls that day.
The Goal: Call People About Important Things
What you say you’re going to do: Make calls about things like bills, doctors appointments, and dental cleanings.
What you actually do: Make zero phone calls, but you do think about how much you don't like phone calls. Text your friend about it.
The Goal: Hygiene
What you say you’re going to do: Take a quick shower.
What you actually do: Take a long, hot shower and savor ever minute (minus the few when you lean your dripping head out to check the baby monitor).
The Goal: Take A Breather
What you say you’re going to do: Sit and relax for, like, one minute before you get up again.
What you actually do: Fall asleep.
The Goal: Prep Dinner
What you say you’re going to do: Rinse some veggies, slice something, make a sauce from scratch, and save all of it in BPA-free containers.
What you actually do: Eat some delicious snacks.
The Goal: Finish Your Amazon Prime Order
What you say you’re going to do: Order super-important things you need, like gel pens, diaper pail liners, and K-Cups.
What you actually do: Brush the dirt off your shoulder becasue you actually nail this one.
The Goal: Pick Up All The Books And Toys Your Kiddo Left Out
What you say you’re going to do: Put everything in the proper places, perhaps start a donation pile since who really needs that many board books about fish?
What you actually do: Push everything into the corner and feel pretty good about it
The Goal: Feel Human Again
What you say you’re going to do: Read a book, paint your nails, flip through a magazine, whatever you need to do to feel like you.
What you actually do: Stare lovingly at the blurry black and white baby monitor image of your child snoozing, listen to him breathe heavily.