It might be surprising that when, instead of drifting off to Slumberland, you’re getting all sexy with someone in your dreams, especially when you weren’t particularly having lustful thoughts during the day. But dreams about sex are pretty common, and they can mean many different things, depending on who you’re doing it with.
Although sex dreams can be scandalously scintillating, they’re sadly not often about the actual act of intercourse. (Talk about an anti-climax.) “Dreams about sex are rarely about a physical union you want but more about a psychological union you need or a psychological/emotional connection you have recently made,” Lauri Loewenberg, a certified dream expert, tells Romper. “So it's not so much that you desire your sex partner in the dream but you desire something about them.” Loewenberg suggests seeking out what you find attractive or interesting about that person as a way to guide you towards what you really want, both in a partner and in your own life.
Here are some common sex dream scenarios and what they might be trying to tell you.
Sex dream about your boss or coworker
Banging the boss isn’t a new sex dream, but it doesn’t really mean you want to get slinky with your superior, either. “Dreaming about your boss for example, may simply mean you desire the qualities of being in charge and running things ‘like a boss’ in your own life,” says Loewenberg. Coupling with a coworker is also a common dream about sex, and similarly, it just means that the person might have a skill that you’d like to learn, too. Says Loewenberg: “Their skill would be what your subconscious wants you to connect with and merge into your own life.”
Sex dream about your ex
Dreaming about doing it with your ex can be a sticky situation — literally. It could be innocuous, like your mind reliving some racy moments the two of you had together, or it could be that you’re lacking the closure you need to continue on with your life. “It may not mean you still want your ex but something about them or perhaps about the relationship you had with them is what is still desirable,” says Loewenberg. You might want to really consider if you’re still attracted to them, or simply miss the memory of that person.
Sex dream about your friend
You meet up with your buddy at the supermarket, and suddenly, you’re ripping each other’s clothes off — in your dreams, that is. Apart from being a bit alarming, dreams about sex with a friend are very popular. “Sometimes we can have a sex dream about someone we have recently connected with on some level, for example, after an intimate conversation with a friend,” says Loewenberg. Does it mean that you’re looking to get lucky with that person on your school’s PTO? Not always, but it’s not a bad idea to take a look at what intrigued you (even on a subconscious level) in the first place, so that you can understand what part of them or their life you desire to merge into your own (and not in that way).
Sex Dream About Your Partner
Sure, a dream about shagging your sweetie seems easy enough to understand. You might be craving some extra cuddling (and lovin’), or it could be a sign that something might be amiss in your relationship. “Dreams about sex often represent a call and craving for intimacy and deeper connection in our primary relationships,” Adora Winquist, a dream analyst, tells Romper. “Sexual expression is a potent alchemical process that opens our creative and intuitive centers to bring about a deeper connection with our sense of self as well as another.” So while a dream about getting it on with your partner might be because it's been, ahem, a minute since you had some adult alone time, it could also signify that you’re looking for better bonding, too.
Sexy or silly, your sex dreams can offer insight into your journey, and in particular, what you feel you’re lacking in life. Once you realize that dreams about sex are a guiding light towards what you really want, you can use them to get what you really want, whether that’s the ability to speak your truth, live independently — or have the orgasm of your life.
Lauri Loewenberg, a certified dream expert
Adora Winquist, a dream analyst