Sex & Relationships

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18 Things Men Do In Bed That Women Don't Like

Communication is key.

by Irina Gonzalez

No matter how experienced you are in bed, there's always a moment that might make you question everything you ever knew before. Sometimes that moment is a good one and sometimes that moment is a bad one. Those bad moments can take you out of the moment and make sex, well, no longer enjoyable. Unfortunately, often those moments come because of something that our partner did that just wasn't enjoyable. Also unfortunately, there are many things men do in bed that women don't like.

One of the worst acknowledged crimes that a man can make in bed is going straight for it without foreplay. But to me, the worst of it is when a man tries to "surprise" a woman with anal sex by simply "slipping it in" without any kind of warning or preparation. This is simply unacceptable, as demonstrated in an old episode of The Mindy Project when Mindy Kaling's character freaks out when her then-boyfriend (played by Chris Messina) does just this. Not cool.

But those are not the only awful things that guys do in bed. In fact, there are many things that men can attempt to do in bed that just don't work for their partners. Here are some things that many women simply don't enjoy men attempting during sex.


They drag the event out

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One of the things that women want men to know about sex is that there's no need to make it last an entire hour. After 20 minutes, a woman is probably just as tired and hungry as a man is, so no need to make sex for a really long time. Nobody wants to get sore here.


They're too quiet

Yes, it's true. Women can be quite noisy in bed, but they also appreciate it when a man makes some noise too. It's totally cool for everyone and anyone being loud and proud in the bedroom, and definitely a sure-fire way for ladies to know if men are enjoying what's happening if they actually are vocal about it.


They spend too much time on the nipples

Plenty of women enjoy nipple play as part of overall foreplay, but sometimes men just don't stop. One thing some women simply don’t enjoy is when men treat their nipples like popsicles and suckle as if they're breastfeeding. This is not sexy. Some gentle licking and sucking can be spectacular, but most women say men should not act as if they are trying to milk their partners.


They keep their socks on

It might be a small point, but a man who keeps his socks on in bed can be a serious mood killer for women.

“It’s just not visually attractive,” Monica Lieser, a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-author of 14 Days of Foreplay told Men's Health. “You look like a toddler — and clearly, we don’t associate that with sexuality in any way.”


They don’t spend enough time on foreplay

Here's the truth that men sometimes try to overlook: Yes, foreplay really is that important. It's absolutely mandatory and men shouldn't even consider it a separate part of sex. It's part of sex, period.


They use their fingers like a penis

There's nothing wrong with using your fingers in bed — in fact, it can be very enjoyable. But simply pumping fingers in and out often doesn't do it for women. Using a finger's flexible joints and dexterity actually gives men the opportunity to do things that a penis can't, such as circles and soft motions that are preferable to poking.


They’re too controlling in bed

Sure, it's fun and sexy to take instructions from your partner in bed. But sometimes a man can take it too far and end up being overly commanding instead. There’s a difference between taking the reins and being controlling. And telling a woman to "cum for me" can be interpreted as “just do it, already” and completely throw off her orgasm.


They don’t follow directions

If a woman is taking the time to tell her partner exactly how to get her off, the partner should follow her instructions to a tee.


They touch your “no fly” zones

Some women have an area of their body that they don't like to have touched. If a man consistently tries to play with a sensitive spot that causes a woman discomfort, then that is a very annoying mistake and can cause their partner to immediately shut down.


They think period sex is off the table

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Don’t assume that just because a woman is on her period, sex is off the table. It obviously depends on the person’s personal preference, but a lot of people don’t have any qualms about it.


They go for anal without asking first

Men who go for anal without proper notice and preparations are not well-liked by women. Butt stuff can be truly great and there are plenty of women who enjoy anal sex, but nobody enjoys being surprised and poked, especially without lubricant.


They refuse to use condoms

One of the rudest things that a man can do in bed is try to talk a woman out of using a condom. Even though sex might feel better without a condom, life is better without STDs and unplanned pregnancies.


They make you do all the work when you’re on top

The woman on top sex position is a sexy for women, since they get to control what happens and the depth of penetration. But as much as women love the sexual power of being on top, participation is key — she still wants an engaged partner who will communicate what is working and what is not working.


They don’t want to bring in sex toys

Sex toys can be a wonderful addition to a couple's sex life, but a man who feels personal offense to a woman bringing a vibrator into the bedroom is simply not sexy. Women want men to embrace trying sex toys in bed since a vibrator can improve your orgasm during sex. That's a win-win for everyone.


They don’t ask you what you like

This is possibly of the most important pieces of advice you might get: No two women want the exact same thing in bed. It's important to be able to talk to your partner about their likes and dislikes, and have them listen to yours.


They claim to be a sex god

Nobody wants empty promises and a man claiming that he is a bonafide sex god can definitely be a turn off. It's not that women don't want to hear that their lover is good, but it's unrealistic (and simply not attractive) when a man promises a woman the best sex of her life — especially if they don’t deliver on the promise. In fact, staying humble is sexier — and gives you and your partner the opportunity to work on actually improving your sex lives together.


They don’t engage in afterplay

Is afterplay a thing? Perhaps not, but it should be in cases that a woman doesn't get off during sex but the man does. What does that mean? If the man came and the woman did not, he still has time to correct the situation. There's no time like the present to ask her what she still needs to get her there, and then do it.


They start the dirty talk early

Springing dirty talk on a woman unexpectedly can do more harm than good. Sure, saying something in a moment of passion is totally fine but upping the ante when she didn't see it coming might come off as more of a shock than sexy. Ease into it — or even better, have a conversation with your partner about how they feel about dirty talk in advance.

Having a conversation with your partner about thier wants, needs, and fantasies can make sex that much more intimate and fun when all parties are on the same page. Likewise, if your partner is doing something you don’t enjoy, speak up, and check in with your partner during intercourse to make sure they are enjoying it as much as you are.