Being a new parent is amazing. It's also stressful and frustrating and exhausting and challenging and confusing and, well, you get the idea. Taking care of a tiny human is no joke, and gives new meaning to the phrase,"It takes a village to raise a child." If you're like most parents, you probably don't have a village at your disposal, which means that, even if you do have help, you don't have as much as you would like. That, coupled with every other taxing aspect of parenthood, adds to the many things getting in the way of every mother's orgasm; orgasms that, honestly, a mother needs. When you've hit maximum capacity and you're stressed and you're trying to find neutral and connect with your partner or partners or just another human being who doesn't wear a diaper, orgasms can be so, oh-so helpful. Like, they can be exactly what the doctor ordered.
It's hard to decide what to do if you've been gifted with a precious few minutes of either alone time, or time with a partner or potential partner. Should you nap? Clean the house? Do the laundry? Sit in silence and bask in the precious moments that are not being needed by a child? Or, should you use that time to rekindle the physical connection you once cherished with your partner(s), or spend a little quality time with yourself? Remember that thing you used to do all the time before the weight of life's responsibilities brought you down? That thing that you loved to do anywhere, at any time? That thing that made that little human that you adore so much? Remember sex?
Becoming a parent shouldn't mean the end of a person's sexuality. Sure, you've got a kid that needs you every hour of every day, but what about your needs? Shouldn't your needs have an opening in your busy schedule? Of course they should. You should be allowed to have some alone time with your partner; you should be allowed to drink wine and feel sexy and desired; you should be allowed to find some time to pleasure yourself if the mood strikes; simply put, you should be allowed to get busy in the bedroom (or any other room)! Part of your post-baby life should be post-baby sex.
Go! Do it! Be free and feel sexy! Go forth and get it on to your heart's content. Just be prepared to conquer a long line of obstacles en route to your orgasm because, well, there are some things that stand in every mother's way when she's trying to climax.
Even the most concrete plan to get laid can fail due to the (powerful) effects of parental exhaustion. Parent exhaustion is the ultimate exhaustion, and fighting it off requires some serious tenacity. When you're a parent, a decent night's sleep is actually pretty orgasmic in and of it self, so foregoing time spent getting busy for time spent unconscious is, well, pretty understandable.
Kids Who Refuse To Sleep
Small children like to hog all of the attention of their parents, so nap time is often the best time for parents to get intimate. That is, if your kid naps or sleeps or even settles down for a solid 15 minute stretch during the day. If your kid isn't at an age where it's safe for them to be left alone, than it's unfortunately not all that often you and your partner will be able to be alone either.
Kids Who Insist On Sleeping With Mom
Maybe you're one of the lucky ones who has a kid that actually does enjoy the fruits of a restful nap, but that nap has to be spend cuddled up next to mom. Some kids just sleep better when nestled right next to the person who carried them in their body for months on end and, honestly, who can you really blame them? This is adorable, sure, but it's also frustrating when said mom needs to get her orgasm on, and her kid is sleeping on top of her.
Phantom Baby Cries
Maybe you've made it to the bedroom (or wherever you and your partner(s) see fit at the moment) and you're just about to get things started when, wait, is that a baby you hear? Maybe it is, or maybe it's just a phantom baby cry because you're so accustomed to hearing a crying baby that you hear their cries of discomfort or hunger, even when your baby isn't even home. It's a phenomenon parents are all too familiar with. Just when you think you're going to get it on, you hear the one things that turns you off.
Hormones are fickle bastards. Sometimes they'll rage inside you, causing you to convulse in desire at the sight of your partner or partners or even yourself, but five minutes later they'll disappear and you won't want to be touched. By anyone. Then you'll cry, laugh, enter an irrational state of rage, cry some more, and forget that you ever wanted to have sex in the first place because your hormones just ghosted your libido.
Who wants to get dirty (metaphorically speaking) when the entire house is, well, dirty (literally)? That stack of dishes in the sink and load of laundry that's slowly rotting away in the hamper are both seriously distracting for the obsessive compulsive clean freaks.
Fear Of Getting Pregnant. Again.
You love your baby so much that it hurts sometimes, but that doesn't mean that you're necessarily ready for another one just yet (or ever). If you've had a surprise pregnancy before, you might be a bit distrusting of your chosen birth control method, assuming that your partner might have to do nothing more than look at you seductively to get you pregnant. The fear of getting pregnant when you're not ready, puts some space in between many new parents, which is understandable. However, safe sex and birth control are over 99 percent effective in preventing unplanned pregnancies, so if you're willing to assume that you're not in that one percent (it's 99 percent likely that you are), go ahead and get it on.
Lowered Self-Confidence Due To The Ridiculous Expectation Of Our Shallow Society
Postpartum bodies, man. Even if your body "bounced back" into peak physical condition just days after delivering your little one, there's still a good chance that your body is different and/or feels different and you don't feel entirely comfortable in it. Honestly, those feelings are normal and natural and nothing that you should ever be embarrassed of but, alas, we live in a world that is constantly grading a woman on her physical appearance, and if she's not rocking a six-pack with a six-week-old baby in her arms then, well, she needs to get her shit together.
Ugh, please don't buy into this ridiculous idea that society is trying to sell you. Not only is it unhealthy, it's impractical. It's normal to feel a little self-conscious after having a baby, but your body did a beautiful thing. If anything, it's even more amazing now than it was before, so feel free to reward it for its hard work with frivolous and frequent orgasms. You deserve it.
Between kids and naps, jobs and appointments, day care drop-offs and pick-ups it seems as though there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done, including yourself.
If you've somehow found the time to spend alone or with your partner; if your kid is actually sleeping; if all the chores are remarkably done; if your hormones are working in symphonic harmony with your sex drive, well, the last thing you want to do is entertain unannounced guests. Those moments of alone time after having kids are few and far between, and we live in a world that is constantly communicating, so there's really no excuse for not dropping someone a line before you drop in on their time together (or solo).