The spring before my daughter started kindergarten, I received an invitation with the stack of artwork she brought home from preschool. The invite read: "You're Invited to Preschool Graduation." I remember thinking, "Is this a thing? This can't be a thing." Alas, it was, in fact, a thing, and worse, it was a thing my daughter desperately wanted me to attend. So I went, but not without thinking a few things about it, because there are so many things moms are really thinking during their kids' preschool graduation, and I absolutely positive I thought them all.
Since my daughter is my first child, I wanted to do everything right (spoiler alert: this is totally impossible). I felt like I'd already screwed up by working outside of the home and getting a divorce so, for a while, I overcompensated big time. I went to every insipid preschool event, from "muffins with mom" to "donuts with dad." I wanted to be a "perfect mom," and when I found out there was such a thing as preschool graduation, there was no way she was going to miss out on the rite of passage. I invited my parents,and we gathered in the preschool auditorium to watch her "graduate" with 30 other preschoolers.
During the ceremony, I found myself thinking many things, starting with, "She's so cute," leading to, "What is the point of this?" and ending with, "Please let this be over soon," all while my 1 year old squirmed in my lap. Then the powers that be decided it would be a great idea to have the kids sit down while they played a cute, but unbearably long, pre-recorded video of the "graduates" saying what they wanted to be when they grew up. This was made more painful by the fact that almost 90 percent of the answers were, of course, Elsa or Batman. The video was even available for purchase.I wish I was joking. Just when I thought it was finally over, they announced there would be cake afterwards. In a room full of preschoolers? Great. So yeah, you bet there were more than a few things running through my mind, including the following: