When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I was shocked. I wasn't planning on getting pregnant and I had endometriosis (so I had been told that my chances of ever getting pregnant were minimal) and, well, it was such a huge surprise. Now, I'm hoping to feel much of the same. I'm trying to get pregnant again and it's taking much longer than I had originally hoped or expected. Every month I'm thinking it will be the month, but when you're trying to conceive and you get your period, continuing to think the next one will be "the month" can be, well, difficult.
I try to remain optimistic, I really do. I also know the reality of my situation as a woman with endometriosis, and that makes it somewhat difficult for me to stay hopeful. Sometimes, when that damn period shows up, as scheduled, I can't help but think that my son was just a wonderful fluke, and I'll never experience pregnancy or labor or delivery or the newborn stage again. Then, without fail, I start to feel guilty, because there are so many women who want but are unable to experience those moments at all, and I remind myself that I need to remain thankful for what I have, and hopeful for what I may be able to have again.
I think that's, arguably, one of the hardest parts about trying to conceive. It's difficult to remain hopeful and it's difficult to not compare your situation to the situations of others and it's difficult to put things into perspective without trivializing your very valid thoughts and feelings. It's just a cluster of relentless emotions that always come into focus when you get your period. Thankfully, I know I'm not alone, and that does provide me with some comfort. So, with that in mind, here's the relentless thoughts that bombard my mind when my period shows up, uninvited: