There are plenty of ways life can change once you have kids, and there are plenty of experiences specific to motherhood that are unlike anything you've been through. One of those rather unique experiences is, without a doubt, labor and delivery. There really is nothing else like it and, if we're going to be honest, moms are tired of hearing from non-moms about all the ways they would have done things differently or should have done differently or how disgusting the whole process is and, because it's "gross," just should have been avoided entirely.
Giving birth can certainly be a beautiful experience (or at least that's what I hear), but it can also be traumatic. It took me months to be able to talk to anyone about how the tear that had been stitched up, after my first baby, healed wrong. Hell, it took me two years to talk to my doctor about it. So, if you have some strong opinions about labor and delivery, especially if you've never given birth yourself, do everyone a favor and ask the mom you're speaking to if she minds if you talk about it. Maybe she will, maybe she won't, but it's safe to assume that labor and delivery was a very personal experience for her (which means she won't always be up for sharing and/or hearing your opinions about it).
To someone who has never had kids or experienced the pain of producing them, labor and delivery can sound like, well, a lot. I'm sure to many it can seem somewhat ridiculous to be upset about the following statements, but giving birth is pure insanity on so many levels and to make ignorant or judgmental comments in reference to someone's birth experience is not unfair, it truly is hurtful. Take note of these 11 things about labor and delivery that moms are tired of hearing from non-moms, because moms are tired enough, you guys.
"There's No Way I Could Do It"
Well, I mean, you could do it. Women have been giving birth since humans evolved into, well, humans, so trust me when I say that you could do it. Whether or want you actually want to is an entirely different story, and completely up to you.
"Did You Poop? I Hear Everyone Poops. That's So Disgusting."
First of all, this is a slightly inappropriate question for pretty much anyone to ask. Secondly, it's none of your damn business. And third, the last thing you're thinking about when you poop during labor, is that it's disgusting. What you're thinking about is that there's a baby coming out of you and everything hurts and when is the baby going to come out?!
"Sex Must Be So Different"
First and foremost, that statement assumes that sex has resumed. That's a bold assumption, my friend. What's worse, though, is the assumption that I want to discuss my sex life with you. Issues like vaginismus and healing episiotomies are all factors in how new moms handle sex, and the new mom you're talking to may not feel like getting into details quite yet (or ever).
"I Would Be All About The Drugs, If It Were Me"
Thanks for your input. As someone who did not use drugs for either labor, I sometimes feel a bit judged when someone makes this comment. I was totally open to having an epidural until I started reading about the possible side effects that some women experience. So actually, you never know until you research all your options.
"I'd Tell Them To Put Me Out Until It Was Over"
You know you can't do that, right?
"Oh, I Broke My Ankle And It Hurt So Much! I Can Just Imagine How Painful Labor Is."
"Elective C-Section, All The Way!"
Again, what works best for you won't necessary work best for someone else. I'm not going to judge any woman for the choices she makes (especially choices about her body and/or how she decides to bring a child into the world), however, I would like the same in return. You want to have a c-section, you go for it. I didn't want to, and I should get just as much support.
"Is It A Total Mess Down There, Now?"
The condition of a woman's vagina after giving birth is a bit of a touchy subject (for some). So many women are recovering from the trauma that area goes through, and the recovery process can take months (if not longer). Best not to bring it up unless she does, first.
"I Could Never Have A Home (Or Hospital) Birth!"
Never say "never." I have a friend who planned on giving birth in the hospital, but her labor went so fast that she ended up having a home birth. With my first birth, my daughter passed meconium in the womb, which automatically sends you to the hospital. I couldn't have had a home birth if I'd tried.
"Ugh, Your Partner Didn't Watch The Baby Come Out, Did They?"
I don't even know what to say to this. My partner didn't, in fact, watch from the front (he was coaching me while next to my shoulder), but with everything that's going on, you see it all no matter where you're standing. Also? Get over it. It's birth.
"I Remember Holding My Puppy For The First Time, And We Bonded Just Like That"
Maybe you did bond with your pet. Hey, who am I to invalidate your experience or feelings or the love you feel for your dog. However, you didn't grow that puppy inside of you for nine months, only to push it (or have it cut) out of your body. Your body isn't making food for it. I'm sure you love your pet a lot, but it's really not the same thing, at all.