11 Things That Would Definitely Happen If Pre-Schoolers Had Tinder
While my husband and I met online, we've never actually told our kids how we met. It's not that we're embarrassed. I mean, how else are two busy single parents supposed to meet people? It's that it's hard to explain to the preschool crowd. "You are always telling me that it's what inside that matters, and then you look at pictures to decide if you like someone?" So, we started wondering what it would be like if if pre-schoolers had Tinder.
Most of the time, a pre-schooler's play date options are limited to their parents' friends' kids and people they know at preschool. Pretty small ocean of fish. Now, obviously I'm imagining this whole pre-schoolers-have-Tinder-thing in a non-romantic, just-trying-find-someone-to-hang-out-with-on-the playground way. They're children, for goodness sakes. However, we use the internet to find friends, too, so why not at least imagine what toddler's would use a Tinder-like play date finder for, right? In fact, it's really not hard to envision what my 4-year-old's profile and play date priorities might look like.
Must like cats, and be OK with me pretending to be one.
Favorite Book: The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Favorite Movies: Big Hero Six and Finding Nemo, except for the scary parts with the sharks and jelly fish. You must agree to skip over said scary parts, because self care is important.
Favorite Food: Banana muffins. Please don't touch mine, or I will freak out.
Favorite Color: Purple, 'cause that's what mom likes. (Also, this is adorable.)
If pre-schoolers had Tinder, it would probably look something like the following, because everything is simple when you're a kid. It's kind of awesome and no I'm not jealous (I'm totally jealous).
Cookies Only. No Carrots.
"I'm looking for someone who is not into health food. Let's just bake cookies and snuggle."
Must Like "Frozen"
"Must know all the words to 'Let It Go.' Also, would you like to build a snowman?"
No Cooties Allowed
"Kissing is gross. Ewww. But I do like warm hugs."
Only Looking For Friends
"I don't want anything serious at this time. Friends only. I'm too young to date and honestly what is dating?"
Trust me child, you don't want to know. I mean, you do and you will, but stay blissfully unaware for as long as humanly possibly, because dating can straight-be the worst.
Must Be Potty Trained
"I haven't had an accident in six months!"
Only Swipe Right For Girls, Boys Are Gross
"Yuck. No boys allowed. You can't sit with us."
Yes, I Still Sleep With My Mom
"It's only when I get scared or have a bad dream. It's not a big deal."
Would You Like To See My Cool Car?
"It's awesome. I got it from my Grandma. It even lights up and makes noise."
I Identify As A Cat
"Please only refer to me as, Baby Kitty." (This is literally my son's nickname right now.)
My Imaginary Friend And I Are A Package Deal
"If you want to play with me, you have to play with her, too. Do you have a problem with that?"
No Unsolicited Pull-Up Pics