It’s no secret that becoming a parent can make it tricky to enjoy some time with friends. In fact, here’s a true story that other moms can probably relate to: one of my best girlfriends, who I see approximately two to three times a year, and I had to re-arrange upcoming plans so I could get back in time for toddler bedtime. I’m not complaining though; the fact that we can still work a get-together around bedtime is an amazing feat that’s not lost on me. Neither are all the weird things that moms do when they’re out with friends; things we do when we finally make it away for a night (or for a couple hours or, OK let’s be real, for like 75 minutes that includes multiple texts with the sitter, and a couple of pictures sent to your phone). Things I definitely do when I see my best friend, two or three times a year.
Still, even though it doesn't happen very often and even though it facilitates some strange behavior, it’s totally worth it. I mean, yes, for the record, all of parenthood is totally worth it, but so is the extra effort it takes to go out with friends and talk about things that aren’t crayons or juice or yogurt. Instead, we can talk about what it takes to get crayons or juice or yogurt off the carpet which, let’s be real, is an extremely important and worthwhile topic.
So, with that in mind, here’s a preview of some of the other things that moms do when they’re out with their best friends. Enjoy the crazy, moms. You've earned it.
Has Way Too Much Fun Picking Out Clothes
Not sure about you guys, but I think it's totally fine to sport a little extra pizazz when out with my lady friends. Yes, I know that technically, nothing is stopping me, or any of us, from doing the same when at Target or Starbucks, but it's just not as fun when my friends aren't there to give me those subtle nods of approval.
Spends Way Too Much Time On Hair And Make-up, If That’s Your Jam
Can't stop, won't stop. Those untouched lip glosses aren't getting any newer.
Checks Her Phone So Often That The Battery Gets Frighteningly Low
Sometimes, it's to see if there's any updates regarding the kid. Sometimes, it's to look through pictures of her baby. Sometimes, it's to make her friends look through pictures of her baby. Sometimes, it's to check movie times (or so she says, while really doing all of the above).
Tells Random Stories About Her Kids
Good friends will listen for the first forty-five or so minutes. Best friends will listen for an hour.
Bites Her Tongue To Stop From Talking Too Much About Kids
It will occur, after telling a story about overalls and their complicated crotch snaps, that she has no idea what's going on in the lives of her friends.
Makes Self-Deprecating Jokes About Motherhood While Secretly Looking For Support
More often than not, the jokes involve sleep deprivation, diapers, and the frequency in which bodily fluids hit her clothes. Sometimes, the really special ones will include all of the above.
Facetimes With Her Kids During Bedtime
It doesn't matter if everyone in the restaurant is looking. It doesn't matter if they are glaring at her as she squeals over her kid's adorable pajamas. It doesn't matter if she's so excited to see her little, that a glass gets knocked over. OK, maybe it matters a little, but definitely not enough to actually get her to hang up.
Constantly Texts The Caregiver
Those three blinking dots signifying a forthcoming response are everything. Everything.
Thinks About Her Kids Wistfully Every Time A Fire Truck Or Ambulance, Or Anything Else They're Excited By, Goes By
On a personal note, my own son is enjoying a truck phase that has been going on for pretty much his entire life. So, any time I hear a siren, or see flashing lights, I think of him excitedly climbing to a window. It's heart-warming and heart-wrenching, all at the same time.
Wonders Why She Doesn’t Go Out More
It's not as if it took six weeks of planning, seven emails to the babysitter, sixteen texts, and two Uber attempts to make it work. That would just be crazy.
Vows To Go Out More
I don't care if it takes seven weeks of planning, or eight emails, or seventeen texts. It's worth it for approximately two glasses of wine, a helping of spinach-artichoke dip, and eighty minutes with friends.