Pregnancy is such a beautiful and euphoric time, when a woman feels so in tune with her body, so confident in her femininity and so, well, gross. Yes, gross. Pregnancy is gross, at least sometimes. It's wonderful too, don't get me wrong, but if you're not prepared for the odd functions your body is going to bestow upon your pregnant self, it can be a bit befuddling. Eventually, and probably after you've changed your shirt for the third time in the same day because you're sweating so much, what you would consider gross becomes totally normal when you're pregnant.
There are weird things that happen to your skin during pregnancy and weird things that happen to your hair during pregnancy and weird things that happen to your, um, vagina during pregnancy. Strangely enough, all of these seemingly "weird" things are actually a totally normal part of pregnancy that just become part of your day-to-day routine. On the list of things every pregnant woman panics about, random (and smelly) farts and constipation and sweating and hair growing in places hair doesn't normally grow, is at the very bottom. These "gross" side effects are just, honestly, signs that things are moving right along.
In fact, pretty much all of the things that feel gross during pregnancy will not only become routine, but will actually ease your potentially worried mind. When you hit a "gross" milestone, you'll know that your body is doing what it's supposed to be doing. So, if the following 12 things have you squirming and hiding your face in the palm of your hands as you try to think happy thoughts and count down the days until you're due, don't worry. They happen to all of us.
A Constantly Congested Nose
With pregnancy comes an increased blood flow to everywhere, including your nose. The vessels in your nose and sinuses will end up swelling because there's so much extra blood being pumped through that specific area, causing the passage where air usually flows through to become restricted. You might not normally snore when you sleep, but there's a good chance that you will while you're pregnant. The swelling and restricted nasal airways also make fending off any sort of colds or allergies virtually impossible. Just keep some tissues handy and offer your partner some ear plugs.
Some pregnant women get "the glow," while others get, um, puberty. As if dealing with acne during your teen years wasn't awful enough, there's a chance that it might return with a vengeance at some point during your pregnancy. It's due to all of those raging hormones, and will typically subside once your hormones settle down.
Boob sweat, butt sweat, face sweat, everything sweat. Hormones have a way of making a pregnant woman feel like she's experiencing the early onset of menopause. It's especially difficult in the summer time. My advice: just don't wear gray.
Trying To Figure Out If Your Water Broke Or If You Peed Youself
There's nothing quite like having to walk around wondering whether you wet your pants or if your water broke. It happens more often than you'd think, too. Just ask a labor and delivery nurse how many times he or she has had to tell a pregnant woman that her water didn't break but, instead, she just peed on herself. Talk about a walk of shame. I, personally, have made that walk myself. Twice.
Actually Peeing On Yourself When You Sneeze
Then there's those times when you know you peed on yourself. When your baby is sitting on your bladder, the muscles weaken, making it more difficult to control when you experience a leak. Sneezing, in particular, is something that every pregnant woman dreads, especially if she hasn't emptied her bladder recently. Expert advice: just cross your legs. Or invest in adult diapers. Or go with the flow. Literally.
Throwing Up On The Regular
"Morning" sickness should actually be called, "morning, noon, night, midnight, dusk, and dawn" sickness, because no, it doesn't just happen in the morning. I had to have a barf bucket in my car with me during my commute to and from work because I got sick so much. A barf bucket, you guys. In my car. Like a filthy, uncivilized animal. It actually makes me want to barf just thinking about it.
Hormones tend to give the locks on your head a nice boost, but they don't just stop there. Nope, they work their way from your head to your toes, and they don't leave out anything in between. At least the hair on your head is so on point that no one will notice the peach fuzz you're growing on your upper lip or on your chest or back or, well, you get the idea. Oh, pregnancy is so fun, isn't it?
Pregnancy will make you horribly constipated. You might think that you're starting to show, but in reality, that little bump you're sprouting probably isn't your baby; it's probably your lunch from the last four days (I mean, it isn't, but it sure as hell is going to feel that way). The good news? Staying hydrated and eating foods high in fiber (that won't make you nauseous) will help to remedy this issue.
Gas Is, Um, Unavoidable
You would think that passing as much gas as you find yourself passing would take care of the whole constipation problem, but alas, that's not how this game works. A pregnant woman's insides are constantly shifting as her belly and baby grow. This means that the air in your bowels is shifting too. It's completely normal and totally harmless and it will subside eventually. Again, lots of water.
Towards the end of your pregnancy, your supply of breast milk may begin to make its presence known, by randomly appearing on your shirt. Some women find that their boobs begin to leak colostrum before their babies arrived. This is a good sign for two reasons: It means that your baby is coming soon, and it means that you should be able to breastfeed them shortly after they make their debut. So, it may seem gross, but it's actually something you should be super happy to see and experience.
If you're suffering from morning sickness, you may also notice that you seem to be salivating excessively. It's not in your head, and that puddle of drool located on your pillowcase isn't your fault. Though experts aren't positive what causes nauseated pregnant woman to have excess spit, the culprit might be those pesky hormones (it's usually the pesky hormones, you guys). It's normal and won't affect your baby and should subside once your morning sickness does.
All The Birthing Videos You Watch
Under normal circumstances, you probably wouldn't log too much time staring at another woman's vagina, but when you're pregnant, well, you need to know whats going to happen and consume as much detailed information as humanly possibly. Birthing videos are incredibly informative and educational, but they're also a little gross, at before you come to terms with anatomy and physiology and blood.
So, this all sounds like a lot of fun, doesn't it? Pregnancy is a seriously incredible event, but it does have the potential to be weird and awkward and gross. Our bodies go through a lot of changes, many of them quite odd, to grow our babies, but the end result is worth every single awkward moment we experience. Also, if you thought some of the aforementioned was gross, just wait until you experience your baby's first explosive diaper.
Pardon me, while I go throw up.