Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

12 Infuriating Questions People Will Ask You About Your Body When You're Pregnant

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People have an annoying habit of asking pregnant people the most personal questions, as if your right to privacy disappears when you become "host" to a fetus in your uterus. You have to develop a thick skin, or in my case, a thick skin and a few snarky comebacks for when questions cross the line into the realm of "that's too personal," or "none of your business." Because, honestly, I've found there are so many infuriating questions people will ask you about your body when you're pregnant

Pregnancy feels like open season on your body and its inhabitant. During my pregnancies, as soon as I started to show, people asked me questions like "How much weight have you gained?" "How far along are you?" and even, "Do you plan to breastfeed?" I mean, I get that pregnancy is exciting, but what makes people lose their filters and respect for pregnant people's privacy? Why all the questions about their body, their pregnancy, their parenting plans and even how their baby was conceived? WTAF?

(See also: "Can I touch you?" No, stranger that I just met, please step back outside my personal space bubble, thank you very much.)

I often wonder if they would ask me these kinds of questions if I wasn't pregnant. The answer? Unless said person is a total creep, is likely no. So why do people think it's OK to say these things to pregnant people? I think it has to do with our misogynistic society that often tries to control women's bodies. It makes me feel like I am a character in The Handmaid's Tale. *shudders*

Whatever the cause, please stop, 'cause it's seriously creepy, condescending, intrusive, and none of your damn business.

"Are You Pregnant?"

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Never ask this. Never.

"Have You Gained Weight?"

See above. Seriously, is there any situation where you think this is a helpful or kind question to ask someone? Think about it. I'll wait.

"How Far Along Are You?"

Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

People always ask this almost as soon as I start to show, because I am seriously short and my belly gets huge. The baby has no place to grow but out. Believe me. I know. I don't need a reminder that it looks like I am carrying quintuplet elephants.

"Is There More Than One Baby In There?"

No. What kind of question is that? If I want you to know more about the inhabitant(s) of my uterus, I will volunteer that information. Even if I have a large belly or am carrying "wide, low, or sideways," it doesn't give you permission to comment about my body. Gross.

"Are You Sure?"

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What kind of question is that? Am I sure I'm pregnant? Am I sure that I am only 12 weeks along? Am I sure that there's only one fetus? Yes. I am freaking sure.

"Aren't You A Little Old (Or Young) To Be Pregnant?"

I ironically got both of these, since I look young but I'm actually (apparently) freakishly ancient for a pregnant person.

"How Much Weight Have You Gained?"

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IDK, how much weight have you gained?

"Are You Planning To Breastfeed?"

"How many vibrators do you own? What, is that too personal? Kind of like asking me if I plan to use my boobs to feed my baby."

"Is It Natural?"

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"No, it's an alien." Oh you mean: did I use fertility treatments or if I conceived with a partner? No. Stop. Shh. Do you also want to know how long we tried or in what position we conceived? Please don't inquire about my sex life or need for reproductive assistance. It's rude AF.

"Can I Touch Your Belly?"

Eww. Gross. No.

"Are You Sure You Should Be Doing That?"

Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

People seem to think they have the right to police what pregnant people do with their bodies. Once I started to show, people asked me if I ought to be drinking coffee, going to the gym, and even eating a damn donut. Sort of made me want to pick up a donut and coffee and have them at the gym every damn day.

"You Aren't Going To Go Into Labor Now, Are You?"

This one makes me want to mess with them. Seriously. I'm pregnant, not a bomb about to explode.