For a while, I was the queen of packed lunches. I have to confess, my lunches were pretty awesome. I bought one of those fancy bento boxes and packed the entire food pyramid in there. I did that for my daughter throughout all of kindergarten. When first grade came around, I tried. I really tried. Then my daughter repeatedly brought home half-eaten lunches, or completely untouched lunches, and I decided I was done. So, now she buys lunch and we all know how "nutritious" those school lunches are.

Also, my kids eat junk. Like, not all the time, but they've had all sorts of stuff I never thought they would.

While many of my friends discuss sending their kids to special enrichment programs, or doing enrichment exercises at home, I nod in agreement. "Yes, enrichment is important," I concur. Then, I smile and think, "I should really get on that."

Yeah, I never do.

I love preaching how much patience parenting takes, but let's be honest: I lose my sh*t almost on the daily. After the 50th "why" and after the 10th "no," my patience runs thin. By "thin," I mean non-existent.

So, yes, while parenting does require a remarkable amount of patience, I am not one of those parents who has been gifted such a superpower.

I stress about most things, but I don't admit it. I don't admit stressing about things not because I want to come off calm and collected, but because I want to lie to myself. If I lie to myself enough, maybe I'll believe it? It hasn't worked yet, but they say hope dies last. So, you know, there's that.

Sure, my kids have some educational toys. However, when holidays and birthdays come around, it's a free-for-all. Do they play with their science magic kits? Sure. Do they enjoy a round of a matching game and a good puzzle now and again? Of course. But are those their favorite toys? Not even close. Barbies, trucks, and dress-up galore, these are a few of my kid's favorite things.

I have. It was awful. I wish I didn't.

See, this is one of those things you can now apparently get in ridiculous trouble for. But, seriously? I mean, if I'm running into a store for an ATM and my kids are in a locked, turned off car, what will happen? The answer is nothing. Nothing will happen.

Still, I lie about occasionally leaving my kids in the car for all of two minutes, because someone somewhere will call the police and I will suddenly be deemed an unfit parent.

I mean, yes, I do restrict my kid's electronics time and I don't believe in "educational" iPad games for infants and toddlers, but I'm pretty sure my kids watch plenty of television. Probably way more than they should and way more than is recommended.

So, while I'd like to believe my kids don't watch that much television, they probably watch too much.

Yes. When I'm not working, or cleaning, or cooking, or doing laundry, or when I'm not staring into my phone. So, like, hardly ever. Sigh.

I'll be the first one to say that it is super important to stick with whatever punishment you promised to your kids. However, I don't always follow through myself. There have been a few times when I threatened my kids with something I knew I didn't want to follow through with and, as a result, I failed miserably.

I have never cursed out another driver. I have never flipped off anyone who cut me off. My daughter has never expressed her disappointment in my actions. My daughter has also never told me that I was being mean while driving and that one guy did "not deserve to be called that name." Nope, never. None of this ever happened. I model good and respectful behavior.

Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. This past week alone I fed my children takeout, pizza, and leftovers for dinner, lived out of the laundry basket, had to re-dry clothes because they got way too wrinkled in said laundry basket, let the dishes pile up so high it took almost an hour to wash, locked myself out of my classroom, forgot an appointment, realized I left my gym clothes at home after I pulled up to the gym, ate pizza for breakfast and cake for dinner, forgot to shave, and spilled coffee all over my car.

So, yeah, this mom has it all together. Nice try, Dina. Nice try.