Even before I got the big fat positive (or BFP, as its known among online mom group aficionados) that let me know my son was on his way, I started noticing little things that made me think it was time to take another pregnancy test. Dressed to the nines at a party at an amazing bar, I couldn't bring myself to finish a single drink because my stomach kept cramping. Appetizers I'd normally devour on sight smelled, well, off. One of the surest signs you're kicking the first trimester's ass? When you know you're in your first trimester before First Response does.
Of course, the first trimester is generally known for kicking pregnant folks' asses more than having its own ass kicked. It fights hard, with its unrelenting fatigue, overwhelming nausea (and vomiting), and barrage of new food aversions and crazy sense of smell. And all that is to say nothing of the drudgery of feeling so far from the finish line, and the anxiety brought on by worries about pregnancy loss and other potential problems.
However, as evidenced by the billions of people currently roaming the planet, most moms successfully kick the first trimester's ass right back, and end up with beautiful babies to show for it. You're probably kicking the first trimester's ass, too, and especially if you recognize any of the following:
You’re Not Telling Other People Yet, And You're Totally Off-Book With Your Not-Drinking Cover Story
“You sure you don't want any wine? That's not like you to turn down a glass of red…”
“Yeah, I just started a new medication…”
You Have A Variety Of Ways To Cover Public Bouts Of Nausea
Life is tough when you're not ready to tell the world you're pregnant, but your body has you heaving uncontrollably in front of other people. Props to you if you've figured out how to disguise it as a big sneeze, or to duck into a different room as needed.
You (Almost) Always Make It To The Bathroom Before Puking
These are the very maddest of dashes.
You've Been Eating Small Meals To Keep Nausea At Bay
That whole “keep vomiting at bay by keeping your stomach from getting totally empty” trick actually works if you don't have especially severe all-damn-day* sickness. If you've managed to cobble together small meals and snacks out of all four things that don't make your stomach turn right now, you're totally crushing it.
*Yes, I absolutely did rename "Morning Sickness," because whomever decided to pretend that sh*t only affects you in the morning is the lyingest liar who ever lied.
You've Figured Out The Least Smelly Route To Complete Your Daily Business
The world can be a stinky place when you're endowed with life's least convenient superpower: a turbocharged sense of smell. Figuring out ways to avoid as many stinky places as possible (like that one block in the neighborhood that has eight different gag-inducing fast food joints) is a sign that you are on top of this whole first trimester thing.
You're Already Rocking Leggings As Often As Possible
Stretchy pants are the official uniform of moms who put comfort first. If you're feeling crummy, why wait until your growing belly puts your regular pants out of business to switch to ones that help you feel as relaxed as possible?
You Own A Lap Desk
Whether it's due to the extreme fatigue, or potentially debilitating nausea, sometimes during your first trimester you just can't get out of bed for longer than a trip to the bathroom. Figuring out how to telework as comfortably as possible is the ultimate in first trimester victories.
You Have A Snack Station In Your Bedroom
When you're so tired you could fall asleep standing up, finding ways to limit how many times you have to walk to the kitchen (or anywhere else, really) is crucial.
You’ve Enlisted Your Partner And/Or Friends’ Help With All The Stinky Chores
Between the sensitive sense of smell and constantly being on the edge of vomiting, chores like scrubbing toilets, taking out the trash, cleaning the litter box, and even loading the dishwasher are best left to someone who isn't in the early throes of pregnancy.
You've Narrowed Your Selection Of Pregnancy Apps
After my BFP, I must have downloaded every pregnancy-related thing that came up in my App Store search. I quickly realized that I didn't need 25 different interpretations of which vegetable was the same size as my baby-to-be, so I scaled back to three. Simplicity is key, right?
You've Found Every Possible Way To Consume Ginger…
Candied ginger, ginger chews, ginger ale, and ginger tea? Yeah, all fair game when you're trying to beat nausea to the punch.
...And Have A Standing Order For Mint Tea At Your Favorite Cafe
Extra honey and lemon, please and thanks.