13 Funny Christmas Quotes That Turn Ho Ho Ho Into Ha Ha Ha

Because Christmas is mainly about spending time with family, those fun-filled dinners can quickly turn into tense moments if the wrong topic comes up in conversation. To help alleviate the tension and prevent a family war, it helps to have a handful of funny Christmas quotes in your arsenal that'll liven up the day.

Christmas means many things to many different people. For some, it's a time of reflection, and a way to spend special moments with family, especially since obligations like work might have prevented quality time in the last few months. For others, it's a time to sit back and relax with a glass of eggnog, and not take life too seriously.

Although you may think a joke is the better way to go, quotes are often a little more relatable. In fact, since so many people celebrate Christmas, a lot of famous writers, comedians, celebrities, and important figures have probably jotted a few words down that you and your family will definitely find relatable. If you're looking for the perfect words to sum up your holiday feeling, there's probably a quote for that.

Here are a few to keep on your mind, in case the mood strikes. (Or, in case you want to make people laugh at your big holiday party.)


"Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard." - Andy Borowitz

Of course the satirical writer from The New Yorker would have a pretty good holiday zinger.


"What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present." – Don Marquis

Pretty clever, but also a bit true. No matter what the year brought, and how stressful it may have been, you still sum it up in the presence with a present.


"I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange." – Henny Youngman

Not everyone is good at gift giving.


"I hate the radio this time of year because they play "All I Want For Christmas Is You" like, every other song. And that’s just not enough." – Bridger Winegar

Screenwriter Bridger Winegar must love the popular Mariah Carey song. Admittedly, it's way better than most other Christmas "classics" these days.


"If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight." – Author Unknown

Even though you wrap multiple presents year after year, it's definitely a skill that some of us just don't get any better at.


"Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear." – Author Unknown

It may be missing, but hopefully it went to a good place.


"It may be a cliché, but it’s true – the build-up to Christmas is so much more pleasurable than the actual day itself." – Julie Burchill

Well, I can't say that Burchill is wrong, necessarily. Although it's fun to buy gifts, brainstorm presents, and prep the meals, there's something about the day-of that's just a little exhausting.


"As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires." - Andy Borowitz

So this list has two Borowitz quotes in it. What can I say? He's a funny guy.


"Adults can take a simple holiday for children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name." - Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck was such a legend, and this quote still rings true. If you're looking for funny quotes in general, she's your woman.


"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." - Phyllis Diller

Speaking of funny women, this Phyllis Diller quote is pretty great. It proves that all of us can get a little rowdy when work stress and free booze are combined.


"That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me." - Jerry Seinfeld

If you've got a snarky view of the holiday, this quote by Jerry Seinfeld will probably make a lot of sense to you. It'd be a good one-liner to include if you're in the midst of a group lament at a family party.


"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year." – Victor Borg

Pretty solid. The fact that there's eggnog available makes this whole "annual visit" mission even easier.


"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." – Shirley Temple

Poor Shirley Temple. She was forced to grow up a little too fast.