You know how your parents like to bring up that time you went through a phase of keeping stashes of chewed up food inside of your cheek for hours at a time? Or the habit you formed as a kid that entailed sucking your thumb well into your teen years? What even was that? So you can probably painfully relate to such weird things that kids do, as I do. Since we were such totally awkward weirdos for our parents, it's only be fair that our own kids put us through the same embarrassment and concern over their weird antics.
My son is only 2-years-old right now, but already he's adopting certain habits that are looking like they're here to stay (as opposed to the brief habits that end up passing along on the phase train). Like if I'm holding him (which, these days, tends to be a quick task thanks to his toddler wiggliness), he likes to shove a tiny little fist into the warmth of my cleavage and then stare at my face for a reaction, his own fixed in an expectant, open-mouthed smile. It's weird but it's his thing. Shrug.
As if my kid's boob fascination isn't enough, he can also be found dipping french fries and chicken tenders into globs of ketchup, barbecue sauce, or some other smoky dipping sauce available, and sucking it off until the dipped food is downright soggy. Then, of course, his next move is to whine and thrust the offensively wet food at me so that I can get rid of it immediately. You have served your purpose, condiment vessel! Away with you! Gross. Kids are gross.
Anyway! Moving on: I spoke with 13 women about the weirdest things their kids do and odd habits they've held onto. If nothing else, it gives me hope that my weirdo kid is strange in a kind of cool way that so many other kids share in. And also that most of the weird things your kid does will end up being a phase to be forgotten when a new flavor of the week pops up. And in my case, I guess that means, new sauce flavor of the week?
Rachel, About Her 9-Year-Old
Hide half-eaten bologna behind the sofa, that I wouldn't find for weeks.
Shandi, About Her 3-Year-Old
My son used to eat ketchup on apple slices.
Melissa, About Her 7-Year-Old
When my daughter was seven, she would sleep walk into the kitchen, pull the oven door open, and pulled her pj's down to go to the bathroom.
Danielle, About Her 1-Year-Old
She loves to eat her toenails down to nothing. She will just sit there all day, with her foot in her mouth.
Jenny, About Her 4-Year-Old
He used to ask to smell everyone's feet when they got home - even visitors.
Alyssa, About Her 2-Year-Old
Smells his own farts.
Stephanie, About Her 4-Year-Old
When she was four, she went through a phase of only eating meals on those little divided dishes.
Debbie, About Her 5-Year-Old
He talks in a robot voice whenever he's in the mood to ask me for something he probably shouldn't have.
Kelly, About Her 3-Year-Old
Wiping her boogers on the wall behind the couch.
Karen, About Her 3-Year-Old
Biting his toenails and eating them.
Beth, About Her 10-Year-Old
She's never gotten over sucking her thumb. But now she does it in secret.
Liz, About Her 6-Year-Old
Sleeping with her Legos. The loose ones.
Barb, About Her 4-Year-Old
Sleep with socks on his hands and feet. I don't know.