With the exception of the fact that she won't update her phone and therefore can't see some of my favorite emojis, the texting relationship I have with my mom is everything. We've always been close, despite not always being physically close, and texting offers a marvelous outlet to continue our loving and witty repartee. When I was pregnant, however, our texting relationship was basically a never-ending, 9 month conversation. There were so many questions! So many whines! So much to decide! So many texts all pregnant women send to their moms!
Okay, definitely not all. I'm not blind or insensitive to the fact that not everyone regularly texts with their mom because not everyone has a particularly rosy relationship with their mom and/or not everyone has their mom available to them. I'm sure, in many cases, the only thing worse than morning sickness and pregnancy-induced hemorrhoids is the thought of having to talk to one's mother about these issues if one's mother is toxic or unsupportive. So by "all," I absolutely mean, "all women with a particular kind of relationship with their mother." By "particular kind of relationship," I mean "the relationship I have with my mother."
This particular relationship is part Gilmore Girls, part My Big Fat Greek Wedding, with a dash of Seinfeld absurdity to fight off the mundane. I have talked to enough people in my life to know that I'm not alone in this warmly hilarious, kind of snarky relationship that I share with my mother, which is just freakin' awesome. So, without further ado, I give you a peek into our particular brand of crazy. Perhaps you can even relate.
Creative Input Required
A name is one of the first and most important things you give your child, and so it makes sense that the choice must be given a lot of deliberation. Our moms are very often appointed to the small and selective naming committee, the posse we have entrusted to help us choose the perfect title for our little one. And, if you guys are anything like me, this list was as long as your arm because there are so many names to choose from how do you even start?!
It's A Baby, Not An Amazon Delivery
Okay, so moms are going to be enthusiastic about the arrival of their grandchild, I don't begrudge them that. Having said that, unless this is a scheduled c-section your daughter cannot tell you exactly when she's going to give birth. Seriously, any time within a four week span is relatively normal, so you're just gonna have to deal with it. I know this is particularly vexing for moms who need to get plane tickets and make travel arrangements but, trust, many of us pregnant ladies would be very happy to have an exact date, too. We're doing everything we can, which is nothing, because there's nothing we can do.
Patience Is A Virtue
SO LEAVE ME ALONE!
(Oh, and there's a good chance you will have to send this one repeatedly in the last month or so of your pregnancy. You have been warned.)
What's In A Name?
This is especially an issue if yours is your mother's first grandchild, but grandparents put almost as much thought into what they want their grandkids to call them as we put into naming the kids themselves and may well fret over it with you.
(Sidebar: remember when we were kids and it was just, like, grandma or maybe nana? Now all of a sudden the, "don't trust anyone over 30" generation of our parents is like, "I'm not a grandma! Grandmas are old! Pick a new word!")
Whenever I had questions about changes to the body during and after pregnancy, I feel like every single answer was, "It depends on genetics." If your mother is also the woman who birthed you (odds are good but not a given, of course), then you realize you have a really good resource on hand to help you gauge what's going on with your pregnant, and later postpartum, body. It can be like staring into your future, which can simultaneously be comforting or terrifying or a combination of the two.
Sometimes Moms-To-Be Need To Be Babied
Because moms are good at making us feel better when we're crappy and you rarely feel crappier than you do when you're pregnant! Also, maybe after they rub our feet they can cook us something and then gently brush our hair and sing to us...
Sometimes Moms-To-Be Are In Need Of A Pep Talk
Because even when you're not feeling physically run down (and especially when you are), the mental and emotional weight of impending parenthood (mixed with a heady cocktail of new hormones at horrifying doses) can be so overwhelming. Pair that with the feeling that pregnancy lasts for-frigging-EVER and you're going to need some serious uplifting. Moms are good at that, too.
The Chilling Realization That You Were Once A PITA Fetus
THIS IS KARMA!
Trip Down Memory Lane (Likely In Your Mom's Attic)
This is part sentimental nostalgia, part desire for vintage aesthetic, and part "baby stuff is expensive as hell and I want as much free stuff as possible."
Damn there's a lot of stuff to do. You were probably too sick in your first trimester to do any of it and you'll probably be too big and clumsy in your last trimester to do any more of it, so you need to work pretty hard during that sweet spot in the middle (with as many people as possible) to get the house ready so your baby isn't sleeping in a drawer or something.
Creative Input Not Required
You will begin to rue ever inviting your mother on the naming committee. For real, mom? "Dorcas"? Is that even a name? It sounds like a schoolyard taunt in and of itself.
Like House M.D., But With Less Hugh Laurie
This will be followed by lots of gross pictures of gross pregnant stuff that barely even fazes you anymore beyond sparking a clinical interest. You bother your mom with this because you're pretty sure your OB/midwife is going to kick you out of their practice if you call asking one more damn question.
I Think That's A Head...
Because when you're a grandparent, there's no such thing as "too many" baby pictures.