No matter how experienced you are in bed, there's always a moment that might make you question everything you ever knew before. Sometimes that moment is a good one and sometimes that moment is a bad one. Those bad moments can take you out of the moment and make sex, well, no longer enjoyable. Unfortunately, often those moments come because of something that our partner did that just wasn't enjoyable. Also unfortunately, there are many things men do in bed that women don't like.
One of the worst acknowledged crimes that a man can make in bed is going straight for it without foreplay. But to me, the worst of it is when a man tries to "surprise" a woman with anal sex by simply "slipping it in" without any kind of warning or preparation. This is simply unacceptable, as demonstrated in an old episode of The Mindy Project when Mindy Kaling's character freaks out when her then-boyfriend (played by Chris Messina) does just this. Not cool.
But those are not the only awful things that guys do in bed. In fact, there are many things that men can attempt to do in bed that just don't work for women. Here are 18 things that most women simply don't enjoy men attempting during sex.
1. They Take Too Long During Sex
According to Cosmopolitan, one of the things that women want men to know about sex is that there's no need to make it last an entire hour. After 20 minutes, a woman is probably just as tired and hungry as a man is, so no need to make sex for a really long time. Nobody wants to get sore here.
2. They're Too Quiet
Yes, it's true. Women can be quite noisy in bed, but they also appreciate it when a man makes some noise. According to Maxim, men being too quiet is one of the top things that women hate in bed. It's totally cool for everyone and anyone being loud and proud in the bedroom, and definitely a sure-fire way for ladies to know if men are enjoying what's happening if they actually are vocal about it.
3. They Spend Too Much Time On The Nipples
Plenty of women enjoy nipple play as part of overall foreplay, but sometimes men just don't stop. According to Thrillist, one of the things that women hate in bed is when men treat their nipples like popsicles and suckle as if they're breastfeeding. This is not sexy. Some gentle licking and sucking can be spectacular, but most women say men should not act as if they are trying to milk their partners.
4. They Keep Their Socks On
It might be a small point, but a man who keeps his socks on in bed is a bit weird and disrespectful. Keeping their socks on is one of the annoying things that men do in bed, according to Men's Health. In fact, it can be a serious mood killer for women.
“It’s just not visually attractive,” Monica Lieser, a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-author of 14 Days of Foreplay told Men's Health. “You look like a toddler — and clearly, we don’t associate that with sexuality in any way.”
5. They Don't Spend Enough Time On Foreplay
According to the aforementioned Cosmopolitan article, here's the truth that men sometimes try to overlook: Yes, foreplay really is that important. It's absolutely mandatory and men shouldn't even consider it a separate part of sex. It's part of sex, period.
6. They Use Their Fingers Like A Penis
There's nothing wrong with using your fingers in bed. In fact, it can be very enjoyable. However, men often get it wrong when they use their fingers as if they are a penis, according to the aforementioned Maxim article. Simply pumping fingers in and out often doesn't do it for women, but using a finger's flexible joints and dexterity actually gives men the opportunity to do things that a penis can't, such as circles and soft motions that are preferable to poking.
7. They Don't Listen When You Tell Them How To Get You Off
According to the aforementioned Thrillist article, men often make the mistake of telling a woman to "cum for me" and completely throwing her off her orgasm. This statement is actually shorthand for "just do it, already," which is rude and inconsiderate. Often this happens because men don't listen when women tell them exactly how to get them off. Instead, they do what they think they should or what they think will feel good, but don't follow instructions to get this particular woman off.
8. They Touch Your "No Fly" Zones
Most women have an area of their body that they don't like to have touched. If a man consistently tries to play with a sensitive spot that causes a woman discomfort, then that is a very annoying mistake, according to the aforementioned Men's Health article.
"If you’re trying to put your hands on this body part, even if you say you’re admiring it, it’s a quick way to shut us down," DeAnna Lorraine, a dating and relationships coach, told Men's Health.
It's simply not sexy to go there with body parts that a woman has explicitly asked you not to touch.
9. They Think Period Sex Is Off The Table
According to the aforementioned Cosmopolitan article, another mistake that men make in bed is assuming that, just because a woman is on her period, sex is off the table. This is not true. In fact, there are actually health benefits to having sex on your period and being sexually active while on your period is not actually that gross.
10. They Go For Anal Without Asking First
According to the aforementioned Maxim article, men who go for anal without proper notice and preparations are not well-liked by women. Butt stuff can be truly great and there are plenty of women who enjoy anal sex, but nobody enjoys being surprised and poked, especially without lubricant. Going for anal without these preparations is simply unacceptable.
11. They Refuse To Use Condoms
According to the aforementioned Thrillist article, one of the rudest things that a man can do in bed is try to talk a woman out of using a condom. Even though sex feels better without a condom, life is better without STDs and unplanned pregnancies.
12. They Make You Do All The Work When You're On Top
The woman on top sex position is a sexy for women, since they get to control what happens and the depth of penetration. But as much as women love the sexual power of being on top, nobody wants a dead fish underneath them, according to the aforementioned Men's Health article. Even when a woman is in control, she still wants an engaged partner who will communicate what is working and what is not working.
"We don’t always know what we’re doing up there, because we’re more used to the man being on top," Lorraine told Men's Health. "It makes a woman self-conscious — like, what is he expecting me to do right now?"
13. They Don't Want To Bring In Sex Toys
Sex toys can be a wonderful addition to a couple's sex life, but a man who feels personal offense to a woman bringing a vibrator into the bedroom is simply not sex, according to the aforementioned Cosmopolitan article. Instead, women want men to embrace trying sex toys in bed since a vibrator can improve your orgasm during sex. That's a win-win for everyone.
14. They Don't Ask For What You Want In Bed
According to the aforementioned Maxim article, another thing that women hate in bed is when men don't directly ask them about what they want. This is possibly of the most important pieces of advice you might get: No two women want the exact same thing in bed. It's important to be able to talk to your partner about their likes and dislikes, and have them listen to yours.
15. They Claim To Be A Sex God
Nobody wants empty promises and a man claiming that he is a bonafide sex god can definitely be a turn off, according to the aforementioned Thrillist article. It's not that women don't want to hear that their lover is good, but it's unrealistic (and simply not attractive) when a man promises a woman the best sex of her life. In fact, staying humble is sexier — and gives you and your partner the opportunity to work on actually improving your sex lives together.
16. They're Overly Commanding In Bed
Sure, it's fun and sexy to take instructions from your partner in bed. But sometimes a man can take it too far and end up being overly commanding instead, according to the aforementioned Men's Health article. This is never good and can spell the difference between taking the reins and being controlling.
"It’s nice when a man is in charge and he has a sense of confidence about him," Lieser told Men's Health. "That’s very different from just running over somebody."
17. They Don't Engage In "Afterplay"
Is afterplay a thing? Perhaps not, but it should be in cases that a woman doesn't get off during sex but the man does, according to the aforementioned Cosmopolitan article. What does that mean? If the man came and the woman did not, he still has time to correct the situation. There's no time like the present to ask her what she still needs to get her there, and then do it.
18. They Start The Dirty Talk Early
According to the aforementioned Men's Health article, springing dirty talk ton a woman unexpectedly isn't good for your sex life. Sure, saying something in a moment of passion is totally fine but upping the ante when she didn't see it coming might come off as more of a shock than sexy.
"You were already there in your head, but your partner wasn’t there yet," Lieser told Men's Health. "So there is this catch-up game. There needs to be some kind of segue. Start your normal dirty talk, then say, 'I have a new idea. Do you want to hear it?' That invites her into your head, rather than forcing her to catch up."
Check out the latest episode from Elite Daily's Video Series Gen Why: