I recently had the opportunity to re-watch the entire series of Friends from pilot to finale (thanks, Netflix), and the show's just as glorious as I'd remembered. 10 seasons of love and laughter at Central Perk hold up pretty damn well. Friends quotes have always been part of my regular vernacular, so I don't know why it should be any different now that I'm a mom. If you're anything like me, you have multiple go-to Friends quotes that you say to your kid on a daily basis.
I'm old enough to remember when Friends premiered on NBC. I even remember the teaser: "You can pick your friends. And you can pick your nose. But you can't pick your friend's nose, unless you really wanted to for some weird reason." I immediately knew it was the show for me. In our house, Friends was "Must See TV" on Thursday nights, and even though a lot of it went over my innocent young head, I loved it. In my college dorm room, we hosted Friends night and watched from our bunk beds as Monica and Chandler tied the knot. Now, it's a show I turn to when I need a pick-me-up. Nothing like a little Holiday Armadillo to make you smile, right?
For so many of us, Friends is a staple, and more than 20 years later it's still just so damn relatable. Perhaps never more so than when interacting with your your own Bens and Emmas:
"How You Doin'?"
Some parents say, "Good morning, sunshine! How did you sleep?" Me? I prefer to channel my inner Joey. Duh.
"Paper! Snow! A Ghost!"
Let's face it. All of us trying to guess what our kid has drawn a picture of are no better than Joey on Pyramid.
"Oh. My. God."
Whether you just walked in on nuggets of poo strategically left on picture books, or you took a look at the wall behind the high chair after a spaghetti dinner, no one says it quite like Janice.
"It Tastes Like Feet!"
You have to say it under your breath so they don't hear you, but that baby food chicken and rice you're about to airplane into your kid's mouth tastes worse than accidental meat in a trifle.
Don't lie. This is you not wanting to get up from the couch to help your kid maneuver their riding toy around the ottoman.
"You Can't Just Give Up! Is That What A Dinosaur Would Do?"
"Joey Doesn't Share Food!"
I don't know about your kids, but my daughter has a distinctly "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" attitude when it comes to food. I'll share, but I draw the line at the potato chip that's already in my mouth. "Mommy doesn't share food!"
"I Am Not A Pushover"
Said every mom who just gave in to her toddler's demands for a cookie in order to avoid a tantrum in Target. "Yeah? Well, you're not invited to lunch!"
"That's Not Even A Word!"
I don't know what Chandler does for a living any more than I know what "kewie" means when my daughter points emphatically toward the play room and then freaks out when I don't give her what she wants. You're worse than Joey trying to speak French, kid.
"Pants: Like Shorts, But Longer"
It's a well-known fact that kids hate pants and that asking them to put them on is playing with fire. Enter Chandler's advertising witticisms.
"What's Not To Like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Good."
Just eat what's on your damn plate, kid.
"You Look Like A Big, Marshmallow Peep"
When you've dressed your baby in a pink Rufflebutts outfit with matching headband, you can't help but think of poor Rachel after she washed her red sock with her white clothes. Except you did it on purpose.
"It’s A Moo Point"
When it comes to bedtime, my kid's opinion matters about as much as a cow's. It's moo.
"Oh, I Wish I Could, But I Don't Want To"
Watch another episode of Paw Patrol? Put new batteries in your talking farm? I'd love to, but that sounds terrible. Aww, Pheebs.
I can't be the only one who wants their kid to achieve a state of total awareness in which they can be prepared for any danger that might befall them. I mean, I'll settle for looking both ways before crossing the street, but "salmon skin roll" would be nice.
"Laundry, Huh? Is That My New Nickname?"
Except when you say this as a mom, it has no sexual connotation (beyond the rapid propagation of dirty clothes that clearly goes on in the middle of the night). You're actually doing laundry. All. The. Time.
"Va Fa Napoli"
Ah, Friends, I must thank you for the multitude of ways you've given me to swear at my kid when they're being an asshole without actually swearing. Guess what I'm doing with my fists right now?
"That Is Brand New Information!"
"Mommy! Look! Car!"
"Yes, darling, we're on the freeway."
Honestly, it's hard to drum up enthusiasm from your kid's Captain Obvious pronouncements. Just act like Phoebe and Joey pretending they just found out about Rachel's pregnancy.
"Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, What Are They Feeding You?"
This song is never more appropriate than when you're changing a dirty diaper. Sorry to my own personal Smelly Cat because I know what I've been feeding you. I just didn't expect to regret those sweet potatoes so much.
"You're My Lobster"
Don't worry, baby. That's just how Mommy says, "I love you."
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