My son is about to turn 7, so lately I've been extremely nostalgic. I think back on my pregnancy with him and simply can't believe how much time has passed. That pregnancy wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, though, and while my partner was thrilled to have another child he didn't always make things easier. In fact, there are some downright creepy things my own husband said to me when I was pregnant, but I no longer hold it against him. In fact, more often than not his off-the-wall remarks just made me laugh.
My husband is an only child and was never really equipped with what one would call a filter, so the chances of my darling dearest saying something inappropriate, raunchy, and/or offensive are extremely high. I didn't marry a bad guy, to be sure, or a man who'd intentionally say something that's hurtful or mean. My husband is just... colorful. Outgoing. Unapologetic. It's what I love about him, even if some of his "dad jokes" make me cringe.
For the most part I don't mind his crass sense of humor. After all, his ability to make me laugh out loud is what attracted me to my husband in the first place. But every once in a while his comments crossed the creepy line, and my pregnancy hormones weren't having it.
"Feel Like Sexing It Up?"
The problem is that my partner wanted to have pregnancy sex. I mean, that's kind of awesome, right?
The problem was that he would ask for sex at the absolute worst times. For example, during a dinner with relatives, at the grocery store, and anywhere other than the comfort and privacy of our home. I'm positive he thought this was hilarious. I, for the most part, did not.
"Are You Eating That, Too?"
If I want to finish off the last bit of cake from your birthday five days ago, I'm going to finish off that damn cake from your birthday five days ago.
I don't think my husband was trying to be cruel. In fact, I'm positive he was trying to snag some food for himself. Regardless, every grown-ass man knows you should never comment on the amount of food a pregnant woman eats (unless you're her physician). Ever.
"Your Hormones Are Out Of Control Today"
The fastest way to put me into black-out, ready-to-fight mode is by suggesting any mood I have during pregnancy, good or bad, is because of the hormones. Were my hormones raging when I was pregnant? Yes. But does my husband, or anyone else for that matter, get to blame my hormones for my mood or my feelings or literally anything? No. The answer is always no.
Just compliment my pregnancy glow and move along.
"Can I Touch It?"
OK, so my husband's humor often veers towards the sexually explicit. Again, he does it to amuse himself or make me laugh or to see how shocked I can be, so I usually let it slide. When I was pregnant, however, this kind of talk got real old, real fast.
You can touch whatever I say you can touch whenever I decide you can. Period.
"What Did You Do Today?"
When I was pregnant with my son I also had a soon-to-be 5-year-old daughter to take care of, various freelance jobs that required my attention, and a home to keep and while my husband worked outside of the home. My pregnancy was also labeled "high-risk" due to two previous miscarriages and various complications, so just getting through a day in one piece was exhausting.
If my husband walked through the door and jokingly asked what I did all day, I assure you that I didn't laugh.