While many couples start out hot and heavy at the beginning of their relationship, there may come a time when it all comes to a crashing halt. In fact, it's almost inevitable that your sex life will go through lulls (yes, multiple, if you're together long enough) but that knowledge doesn't make it any less jarring when you realize it's happening. And beyond that, it's totally normal to not really know how to fix a dry spell in a relationship. Suddenly the long weekends of having marathon sex like bunnies turn into long weekends of Netflix and actually just chill. Or you both just get so busy dealing with the hustle and bustle of life — making deadlines, working overtime, and adulting like mad — that you start losing all that time you normally set aside for each other. And if you have kids, it often also means that your futile attempts at sexy time just get immediately blocked by your adorable but rather frustrating new form of birth control: the screaming baby.
Then there are other reasons you might not be having sex for a time. Hormonal changes, including those caused by birth control, might make you feel less than frisky. Or depression may hit you or your partner and cause libidos to all but vanish. In my case, I went through an awfully long, doctor mandated “no sex” phase during my second pregnancy. My OB/GYN called it “pelvic rest” but I called it simply “hell.” Before then, I was quite an avid fan of all things under the sheets. But afterward, I was forced to pretend I didn’t care. For six excruciatingly long months, which got extended further thanks to a pretty traumatic childbirth experience, I dealt with my new sexless reality. I often wondered how the hell my husband got by, but we did do lots of other things to try and keep the romance alive. Nowadays, we’re back in swing of things, but that didn't happen without a bit of work (I mean, we still have a toddler in our midst who would prefer all attention were on him).
For any of you currently going through a sex drought, fear not. Whatever the reason, there is plenty to do in the meantime to keep your relationship solid until you’re finally able to do the deed once (twice, three times) more. Here are some things the strongest couples know to do even (especially) when they're going through a sex-free phase.
Surprise Each Other And Keep Things Interesting
When your relationship has hit a wall in the sex department, being spontaneous can be an effective way to shake yourselves up and over that wall. And this doesn't have to mean a huge spontaneous move. It can be in small ways, like showing up at home with flowers one day or surprising your partner with tickets to a concert they've been wanting to go to. Or you can drop the kids off at grandpa’s and take your love on a weekend cruise (OK, that's a little bigger, but still, you could!). Maybe you re-arrange the furniture in the house one day and find a way to display their collectibles. Perhaps you wake them up in the middle of the night to go outside and watch a meteor shower together.
The point is, routine can often be a libido (and even a love) killer, so the strongest couples to “spice things up” now and again. And if you're ready to finally push past your sex-lull and get back to business, mix it up: Try a new position, or take your S.O. to a sex shop and tell them to pick out a new toy or a video or an outfit; or book a few hours at a sleazy hotel (seriously, this can be a whole lot of fun if done correctly). Find some new moves and then when you’re finally able to do the deed again, try them out. All, some, or none of these things might sound appealing to you specifically, but the point isn't even to do the exact things I'm listing — the point is to put a little extra time and energy into doing new, fun things with your partner, whether or not that includes sex.