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7 Things Your Vagina Will Feel Like When You're Postpartum

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Vaginas. They’re beautiful and magical and they serve as the exit door for many pregnancies. They can stretch to astoundingly wide lengths, then retract back to their original size. However, while they're fully capable of squeezing out entire human babies, they don’t always feel that great afterwards. In fact, pushing an infant out of them hurts., and that hurt sticks around for a while. Actually, there are lots of things your vagina will feel like postpartum, and none of them are what I would describe as "good."

I feel like most people don’t talk enough about all the bodily changes you experience after you have a baby. I mean, sure, people talk about stretch marks, but I can't help but wonder if that conversation was just artificially created by cocoa butter companies. Either way, we don’t really talk much about how our vulvas and vaginas feel right after having a vaginal birth.

Some moms have it a bit "easier," if their baby was born on the smaller or average size, and if they were in a good position for birthing without tearing. The rest of us, however, have given birth to rather large babies (mine was nearly 10 lbs), and no, my vagina did not feel like a happy and welcoming place for a good damn while. So if you're preparing to meet your little one and want to know what you're in for, here's how your vagina will feel post-baby:

Like Losing Your Virginity 1,000 Times

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OK, so maybe it’s not always related to “virginity” (whatever that means, anyway). However, do you remember the time your hymen broke? If you do, you might recall feeling kind of sore. After all, that’s a pretty private and usually untouched area. Giving birth gives you that same sore feeling, it's just way, way, way more intensely.

Like Gooey Sandpaper

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This isn’t the, ahem, prettiest picture I could paint, but hear me out. When you're postpartum, your vag is all kinds of bloody (because you’re having the longest, heaviest period of your life, basically), but it also feels rough and kind of dry. It’s a weird mixture, to be sure, so this particular description is honestly the best I could come up with.

Like A Boxer’s Face After A Bad Loss

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Giving birth is pretty rough on the body. While I'm no boxer, I venture to guess it's like getting horribly beaten up. After all, childbirth is messy, strenuous, and it takes a while for your body to heal.

Plus, you probably don't want to look at your vagina in a mirror. Just sayin'.

Like Deli Meat Covered In Tacks

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Your vulva is probably going to feel pretty tender in those early postpartum days. If you had to get stitches, it’s much, much worse (in my experience, at least). Those stitches give you the added feeling of painful pinching.

Like An Unfortunate Extra In ‘Sharknado’

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Have you ever watched Shaknado? It’s pretty awesome, in a cheeseball sort of way, and involves this tornado made of sharks that goes around killing people. Anyway, it can get pretty bloody and sloppy and your vag will totally feel bloody and sloppy after pushing a human through it.

Like An Alien

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Why an alien, exactly? Well, after the ordeal your vagina goes through when giving birth, it can often feel like it’s not even part of your body. When I was postpartum I definitely felt like my own vulva was a foreign object, almost detached from the rest of me.

Like A Medieval Torture Chamber

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It’s not to say that your vagina will hurt all the time. You may very well be one of those lucky folks who has a simple, uncomplicated birth with no tearing. That said, you will not want anything to go inside of it for at least a while (I seriously suggest following the doctor recommended six weeks, dear reader).

So, yes, your vagina might feel like a torture chamber if you decide to have sex a bit too soon after the baby. Definitely allow your vulva and vag to rest up and heal properly.