In my opinion, Target is a parallel universe. You can reliably go in looking for one single item, only to emerge please with 17. Every damn time, you guys. So, honestly, I'm not surprised by the bad decisions I made at Target as a new parent. In the end, it was inevitable. For example, when my daughter was a month old, I went looking for wipes and come out with six sippy cups, a reusable swim diaper, and seven different kinds of baby food. Target is my kryptonite.
I actually have really fond memories of going to Target before my daughter was born. In fact, the morning my partner and I received the call that she would be joining our family, I headed straight to Target to stock up on itty bitty baby things. The two hours I spent wandering around Target, wishing I could tell every stranger I saw that I was about to be a mom, are seared into my memory forever. We literally had nothing for a baby when we got that amazing phone call, so I tried my best to figure out what the bare essentials would be for a brand new baby. Thank goodness our daughter wasn't released from the hospital immediately, because all I came home with on that last solo-Target trip was a set of swaddle blankets and a pair of pajamas. Talk about the bare minimum.
Luckily (or, perhaps, unluckily, depending on how you look at it) that was the most inexpensive mistake I made at Target as a new parent. The rest of those bad decisions weren't nearly as cheap.
I Purchased Too Much Starbucks
I know why the powers that be place the Starbucks at the front of the Target stores. They know new, sleep-deprived parents have no hope of restraining themselves when faced with the wafting scent of caffeine.
Personally, I was so hopped up on caffeine and sugar thanks to those tempting drinks I could barely see straight walking through the aisles.
I Chose The Self-Checkout Line
The self-checkout line always seems like a good idea. In fact, if you're a fully functioning adult, it probably is. However, as a sleep-deprived parent, running on fumes and unable to count to 10, trying to check yourself out is damn near impossible.
I Purchased All The Baby Food
One day, when my daughter was only a few months old, I honestly came home with a whole stash of baby food. When my husband saw my haul, he was so confused. Our daughter couldn't hold her head up yet but, for whatever reason, the branding in the baby food aisle got me. I just felt like we needed to be prepared, OK?
I Decided To Bring The Baby
Sometimes bringing the baby to Target is the best decision, and sometimes it's the worst. Sometimes you're that mom who's trying to calm the very young baby down, while also holding your seventh cup of Starbucks and trying to check yourself out of the self-checkout aisle.
Honestly, I wish I made more Target trips on my own in those first few months of being a parent. I would have made much smarter purchases, I wouldn't have been so stressed, and I could have enjoyed that sweet, sweet caffeine in peace.
I Called My Mom
Why does it always seem like a good idea to call my mom when I walk in the door to Target, just for a catch up? I get nothing done for the first 30 minutes while I'm talking to her, and then the baby ends up losing her mind and I get nothing else accomplished once I hang up the phone.
I Purchased All The Sippy Cups
The sippy cup aisle at Target is almost as dangerous as the baby food aisle, in my opinion. My daughter can use regular "big kid" cups now, but I'm still going back to that damn sippy cup aisle and wondering whether or not we really need three more. You know, just in case.
No. No, we do not need three more sippy cups, and we certainly didn't need any when she was only 2 months old.
I Purchased All The Medicine
Anytime my daughter was sick, I cleaned out the baby medicine section. Then I'd get home and realize we didn't need any of it. and have to return it all . Then my daughter would sniffle, and I would be right back at Target, buying all that baby medicine back again.
Talk about a vicious cycle.
I Allowed My Baby To Notice Products
When you're a new parent, I think it's easy to underestimate your child's ability to discern what products are and which products are which. Be warned, these babies are smart and they can smell a certain food or a certain sippy cup from aisles away.
If I have one piece of advice for new parents who love Target, ti's this: do not, under any circumstances, bring your baby into the aisle with the puffs. Just don't do it, unless you are prepared to be that parent who feeds her child from a container they haven't purchased yet. That was (and is) me nearly every time I'm in Target. When will I ever learn?!