Motherhood is a complicated life choice, filled with the good, the bad, the hard, the exhausting, and the very, very gross. As a busy mom of two, I rarely have time to stop and think about my pre-mom life, but when I do it blows my mind. Of all the things every mom does that she'd never do before having kids, I'm sure I've done them all. I mean, it's just astounding how quickly your normal life can take a turn for the strange and unusual. As a mother I have done some things that would have sent me running in the opposite direction pre-children. Now? Yeah, now those things barely make me raise my eyebrows.
I never contemplated how gross my parent-life would be before I became a mom, even though my own mother told me "motherhood raises your gross threshold" on more than one occasion. And she was right, too. The gross, overwhelming, and even terrifying things I know I couldn't have handled before I held my babies in my arms, don't seem so difficult now that I've settled into this whole mom thing. Although, I have to admit I'm still adjusting. For instance, having to deal with someone else's puke? Yeah, I'm still waiting to get used to that one.
And of course, motherhood is more than just boogers and poop and pee and spit-up, it's just that the gross side of motherhood is usually the first to come to mind when I think about how my life has changed. But then I think about the cuddles and kisses and how ridiculously adorable my kids are when they're trying something new, and it's all worth it. Yes, even the vomit.
You're Prone To Wardrobe Malfunctions
Like when you pull the diaper bag out of the dryer (because a certain toddler spilled yet another cup of juice into it and it needed to be cleaned for the third time this week) and forget to make sure it doesn't have any underwear stuck to the inside before you drop it off at daycare with your daughter. Whoops.
You're Dirty All The Damn Time
I took a flight with my daughter the other day and after a very successful trip that included a layover where we weren't allowed off the plane, she straight up puked all over me. I didn't shower until the next day. That never would have happened to my pre-mom self, let me tell you.
You Abandon Your Grocery Cart In The Middle Of The Store
For any number of reasons, you just have to abort the mission sometimes. A blow-out, a meltdown, you name it: I've abandoned my grocery cart on more than one occasion and I am not sorry about it.
You Forget How To Speak
I just told my husband, "You know, you have to pull the thing out and put it in the thing." I meant, "pull the couch out to plug in the vacuum," but apparently I couldn't form actual works. Yes, this happens all the time.
You Are Handed Gross Stuff On The Regular
My daughter is currently going through a phase I, personally, cannot wait for her to outgrow. If she takes a bite that's a little on the large side, she chews it up and spits it out wherever she thinks is a good spot for it. The "good spot" is typically my hand.
You Deal With Snot On A Daily Basis
Snot just generally takes up more of my time than it ever would have before I had kids. Wiping said snot off of a tiny human is practically muscle memory at this point.
You Get Sick Of Your Own Voice
When my daughter was only a few months old, my husband came home, one day particularly chatty, and I remember thinking to myself, "I can't even speak anymore." All I had done all day long was talk and talk and talk to my tiny baby, I was so darn sick of my own voice (possibly for the first time ever, but that's neither here nor there.)
You Receive So Much Physical Affection
That makes all of the snot and dirt and gross aspects of parenthood, more than worth it.
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