A baby shower should be a scene of feminine power and sisterhood. Women coming together to celebrate the impending arrival of a new baby and to spoil the mom-to-be with gifts and advice. Unfortunately, they often descend into a series of pointless and humiliating games, where you have to look at fake poop in a diaper and have your bump's girth measured. Then there's usually a question and answer session, where you may well feel that you're being cross examined while simultaneously enduring the infuriating questions people will ask at your baby shower.
The worst thing about the majority if not all of these questions, is that they barely conceal a judgmental lecture from friends and relatives about what their pregnancy, birth, and baby experience was like (and why yours should be exactly the same). If you can grin and bear some of these thoughtless queries, I think a baby shower can be wonderful. I mean, it's kind of hard not to feel special when you're the center of attention. Plus, people are usually very generous and there will be cake.
If you are faced with any of these rude and infuriating questions at your own shower, and it's taking away from the joy of the day, feel free to sound off. You can always use pregnancy hormones as an excuse, right?
"Is It A Boy Or A Girl?"
Why is everyone so obsessed with whether you are expecting a boy or a girl? It's almost like they don't know how to proceed without knowing if they need to stock up on pink or blue balloons (which in itself is just a nauseating and out-dated tradition.)
If you try to keep the sex of your baby quiet, be prepared. Chances are high your shower will turn into an excuse to rehash every old myth and tale about how to guess a baby's gender known to man.
"Are You Going To Breastfeed?"
Many moms have an idea about whether or not they're interested in trying to breastfeed. However, until your baby arrives, you really cannot say confidently whether or not you are going to want to or be able to nurse. There are so many different factors in play and trying to get new moms to "pick a side" before their baby even arrives is unfair and ridiculous.
"Have You Chosen A Name?"
If you haven't already shared the baby's name this late in the pregnancy game, it's likely that you're keeping it quiet for a reason. At my baby shower, relatives forced me to reveal the initial of my unborn baby, then spent the rest of the day trying to guess his name. I was not impressed.
"How Long Did It Take You To Conceive?"
Would you like to see my fertility chart? I can't believe people actually ask this question. However, they do, and it's so very rude. Couples who have struggled with infertility may find this question particularly painful to answer.
"When's The Baby Due?"
I hated telling people when my baby was due, mostly because it invited all sorts of body shaming comments, usually along the lines of, "Oh, you're really big," or conversely, "Wow! You're hardly showing at all."
Once my baby's due date approached, I also realized that by telling people a specific date, you invite very annoying constant social media queries in those last few days of unpredictable pregnancy. Honestly, when you're probably over being pregnant as it is, that's the last thing you need.
"Will You Have An Epidural?"
The reason this question is so infuriating is because it's usually loaded with judgments about how you shouldn't get an epidural after all. While it won't always be a shame set-up, so to speak, far too frequently this question precedes a bunch of women vying for their "birther of the year" award for going drug free.
Of course, it's also worth noting that no one really knows what they will decide until the moment labor starts and things get real.
"Are You Scared About The Birth?"
Well, I am now! It doesn't matter how prepared you think you are for childbirth, an afternoon spent with a bunch of moms who are usually more than eager to share their birth horror stories, will likely leave you hyperventilating.
"Will You Have Another Baby?"
OMG. Can I birth this baby first, before I have to decide if I am doing it all over again?
Why do people feel the need to always jump to the next life step? Once you get engaged, they all want to know when you'll get married. Once you're married, they ask when you'll have a baby. Once you have a baby, everyone wants to know when you'll have another. Ugh.