I honestly thought I had escaped the curse of morning sickness. I was 15 weeks pregnant, we had announced our news to everyone. and I was feeling really healthy (and a touch smug). Of course, that's when I was hit with the most awful nausea I have ever experienced. It's also when my I realized that, even when attempting to be helpful, there are some truly infuriating things your partner will do when you have morning sickness.
In so many ways, I was pretty lucky. My morning sickness lived up to its name, in that it seemed to abate by the time I had to leave for work. Still, I spent every morning with my head in the toilet bowl, longing for death because, well, nothing seemed worse than gagging and vomiting and hacking my way through the early morning hours of my daily routine. While I was acutely aware it could have been worse — for many women, morning sickness occurs at all hours of the day, because pregnancy is the worst — I still felt tired, grouchy, emotionally, and physically spent.
There have been some studies that suggest suffering from morning sickness could decrease the risk of miscarriage. While I'm hoping such studies help ease the mind of nauseas pregnant women the world over, I can tell you that it doesn't help much when you're feeling sick to your stomach for months on end. Neither does having a partner who does the following infuriating things:
They'll Talk To You
I don't know about you, but when I am feeling ill I want people to leave me alone. If you want to be around me, hold my hair out of the way. Other than that, get away from me.
Because my morning sickness became a daily routine, my husband became desensitized to it. He would stand over me, asking me what our dinner plans were or if I knew where he left his keys. Not helpful.
They'll Offer You Food
Some people seem to think running off a list of food items is helpful when you are feeling sick.
"What about some dry toast?"
"How about a cracker?"
"Maybe a banana would be good?"
The last thing I want to think about when I am feeling nauseated, is food. Just stop, please.
They'll Eat In Front Of You
I was sensitive to food aromas before I became pregnant. I have a long standing aversion to a certain type of chip that my husband just loves, and have actually took to banning them from our house entirely. Yes, it's that bad.
However, when I was pregnant literally every food my husband ate seemed seemed to gross out my super sensitive nose. So, I let him know his choices were salad without dressing, or water.
They'll Say "But It's Not The Morning"
I was very lucky that my morning sickness had pretty much vanished by mid-morning each and every day. However, many women can't say the same. A few friends of mine were enraged when their spouses would watch them throw up at all hours of the day, only to say, "But it's the afternoon. You can't still have morning sickness."
Just, hush. Pregnant women puking their faces off still know what time it is.
They'll Use Strongly Scented Products
My husband doesn't wear cologne (and usually smells amazing) but when I was pregnant every aroma would set off my up chuck reflex.
I would take to regularly screaming at him, "What is that smell?" to which he would usually answer "soap" or "toothpaste."
They'll Say "It's Just Morning Sickness"
Because morning sickness tends to be a regular daily occurrence for anyone who is pregnant, people tend to minimize the suffering and downplay pregnancy symptoms.
However, daily repetitive vomiting, if you weren't pregnant (and sometimes even when you are pregnant) would be considered a serious issue. It's certainly unpleasant, regardless, so a little sympathy and understanding can go a long way.
They'll Use The Bathroom At The Exact Moment You Need To Vomit
We have three washrooms in our home, but when you need to throw up you aren't privy to anything resembling a warning. So, why was it that my partner would always be in the closest bathroom to me when a wave of nausea hit?
I spent most mornings running up and down the stairs, looking for a vacant washroom to puke in.
They'll Fart In Front Of You
From time to time we can all let a bad one go because, you know, we're human. However, my husband has a bit of a reputation for being able to clear a room. There was more than one occasion, while I was pregnant, that his noxious gases caused me to throw up. Not OK, dear. Go be a human someone else, because I'm busy growing one.