As a stay-at-home, I can't help but feel like I'm in constant "servant" mode. Unless I've managed to get all my kids to nap at the same time (it's impossible) there's always a human requiring my attention. I honestly wish I had octopus arms to meet the never-ending demands of my children but, alas, I am human. Which is why it shouldn't be that surprising that one (or two) of my hands can't text you back. In fact, there are a lot of very damn good reasons a stay-at-home mom is "ignoring" your texts.
I spend a couple days a week being a stay-at-home mom, and a couple days working. On my "home" days I don't think I sit down for one second. My day begins with walking the dog and preschool drop off, then I work during preschool hours, and before I know it we're off to the races at pickup time. My youngest doesn't nap in my presence (I'm so lucky!) so we go food shopping, play, I make him multiple lunches and snacks that he refuses to eat, and then we pick up his brother from school. I won't bore you with the rest of our typical day, but it isn't until around 10 p.m. that I even look at my phone to read texts that are "leisurely" texts.
Leisure texts are any that don't come from my husband, aren't a real emergency, don't have to do with dinner that night or an appointment, or don't have something to do with the kids. Leisure texts include random hellos from my mom, questions about the weekend, random asides from friends, and links to articles people think I should read. I am not going to respond to these unless I have two seconds alone to pee. Most often I do not have two seconds alone to pee, because I wait to pee until 10 p.m.
So, if you don't hear from me it's not that I am ignoring you, I'm just saving your texts for later. Later might be a long time from now, like when my kids are in college, but I promise that I'll get to it at some point. Just don't get the wrong idea. I am not having a fun-filled and easy day at home basking in the warm-glow of motherhood.
Because She's Too Busy Homeschooling Her Adorable & Perfectly Behaved Children
I know, I know. You're picturing your stay-at-home mom friend in a light-filled room, her two studious children with beautifully combed hair and pinafores at her knee just ready to learn! This must be why she's too busy to answer your long and thoughtfully composed text about last night's episode of The Handmaid's Tale, complete with insightful political commentary.
Here is what is really going down: both kids are most likely in various states of screen-time-watching, because your friend was hoping this would afford her time to wash maybe one half of her body with whatever soap she could find in the shower. The fates would not align, though, because each child has a special request. One child needs her to type in a YouTube video with plastic eggs in it, because he can't spell, and the other one wants her password so he can make an in-app purchase. In other words, she had all the time in the world, right?
Because She's Busy Meditating On Her Daily Walk To The Farmer's Market
In your mind, you're thinking that your hard-working friend totally saw your text, but she can't go into that head space right now. Why? Well, because she's listening to a guided meditation on her phone while strolling to the local farmer's market to get micro greens and other fresh organic veggies for the children's homemade meals Also, shhhhh, she doesn't want to distract herself from the rhythm of her stroller-pushing, lest she wake the baby up from her daily nap that she never, ever, misses.
What's really happening? She's been playing whack-a-mole with said baby for the past two hours, who no longer believes in napping (despite having been up since 5 a.m.). She's tried everything in her power to get her to nap, from reading every story on her shelf to curling up with her in bed. Next thing she knew, she fell asleep and woke up to find the baby fiddling with her iPhone. (So, if you find a text from her that says xk%rou*I)| that's not from her.)
Because She's Pureeing Organic Food
Actually, that's the sound of the vacuum cleaner sucking up cheddar bunnies off the carpet for the 27th time that day.
Because She's At A Moms' Group Meeting
I know you think your stay-at-home BFF is ignoring your texts because she's out replacing you with a totally new crowd; kicking it back all day, every day, by relaxing with wine while the littles play on someone's living room floor.
Yeah, not so much. I mean, yeah, she might be at a moms' group, but if you've ever been at one of those things you would know they're anything but relaxing. Her child likely just had a diaper "situation" all over the meet up mom's changing table, which is super awkward. Plus, have you ever tried making new friends while being half-naked and having someone sucking on your breast?
Because She's Hanging Her Sheets Outside In The Sun To Air Dry
Nope. Just doing her 1,334,224th load of laundry since waking up.
Because Shouldn't You Be Thinking About Having Children Sometime, Too?
Sometimes you think your friend is ignoring your texts because she's trying to send you a hint that in order to make it to "texting status," you have to start procreating. Yes, that must be it. Your friend is refusing to acknowledge your texts because they have nothing to do with naps, breastfeeding, or organic purees.
Newsflash: she would love to text you about things having to do with the world outside of children. She yearns to do it. Check your phone at some ungodly hour in the middle of the night, when she can't fall back asleep after she's been woken up by a kid who had a night terror, and you'll probably see a response from her, finally. In fact, that's the ideal time for a text convo.
Because She Just Doesn't Have Time For You Anymore
Actually, this one is true. She wishes she did, but she doesn't because when she is home with the kids they take up every second of her time. Her texting time is kind of limited to just when she is on the toilet, and even that time isn't her own because her kids like to sit and watch her and talk about which bowel movement she's doing. Because sharing is caring, right?
Because She's Trying To Be More Present
Your friend sees your text that says, "S.O.S. dying, my boss has halitosis," but can't bother to send you a simple "LOL" because she isn't doing the screen thing right now. In fact, once she saw your text, she had to rid her soul of that moment of looking at a device by working on her herb garden and connecting with nature. She even had the kids join in. It was so magical!
Seriously. No joke, your friend was not ignoring your text. She saw it, and wanted to respond, but then her toddler threw the phone into the toilet. It is airing out now. BRB.