I will be the first person to tell you that my sh*t is not together. I'm a mess. I need lists for everything, I regularly have to rewash laundry that's been sitting in the washer for days, and I'm so far from type A that I might as well be type Z. I'm disorganized and messy, but there are reasons not having your sh*t together makes you a better mom, so I won't apologize for being a mess, either.
I tried getting my sh*t together a few times since becoming a mother (and honestly, a few times before) and it's always been a spectacular failure. I get stressed, which means I'm usually not pleasant to be around. Like, at all. My kids bear the brunt of that stress and anxiety and I'm acutely aware that it's not fair to them. If I'm stressing about cleaning the house and keeping their toys organized and labelling the pantry shelves, I spend too much time getting upset about my kids making messes which, you know, is what kids tend to do. I'm not saying every mom who actually does have her sh*t together reacts the way I do, but I know who I am and I know that having my ducks in a row is more hurtful, than helpful.
So after many years of trying and failing, I've decided to embrace my mess and the undeniable fact that I'm a better mom than if I tried to change.
You Have Realistic Expectations
When your sh*t is absolutely not together, no one expects any different so no one is surprised when you don't spend a ton of time on your makeup or your hair or your clothes or when you're an hour late to whatever the hell.
In addition, instead of trying to live up to expectations, the aren't any. So, you get to spend time with your kids instead of trying to prove you have it all together. #Winning
You Severely Reduce Your Stress
Plans are constantly going in the garbage, so when the inevitable happens and yo have to readjust, you don't worry too much about it. You're aware that there's no reason to stress about it, because a bump in the road is part of your daily, disheveled existence.
You're Never Really Busy
I, personally, am pretty allergic to over-scheduling. So, I'm proud to say that I don't have a calendar, nor do I have time to fill up any calendar I could potentially talk myself into buying in the future. This, of course, leaves more time for spontaneous fun (which is the best kind of fun, because duh).
Beautiful day for a beach trip or a hike? I have nothing scheduled, so count me in!
You Get To Experiment More
Your kid wants to bake cookies but you don't have brown sugar? Perfect time to look up substitutions or learn to bake a new cookie that you guys have never tried.
Your kid spills ketchup on the white shirt you wanted her to wear for Santa pictures? Yeah, that's no big deal. You're used to random spills and amazing messes that you don't even blink. Toss a cardigan over that bad boy and you're good to go.
Your Kids Learn That There's No Such Thing As "Perfect"
My kids know I forget things and drop things and they've seen me screw up more times than I can count. However, they've also seen me pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going. The don't see me wallow in failure or bemoan my fate or get super upset.
Not only do my children know that they don't have to be perfect, they know there's no such thing as perfect. Mistakes are part of the human condition and every single human being makes them, so it's never a cause for incredible concern.
Your Kids Will Be Pretty Chill
Even though I live with anxiety disorder, I generally try not to sweat the small stuff (what happens in my head is an entirely different story). Because I remain cool, calm, and collected, my kids aren't stressed out balls of anxiety just waiting to get in trouble for every slight misstep.
Your Kids Will Be Humble
When I grew up, my house was always spotless. My mom was a frantic cleaner and if there was even a spot of dust, she'd be mortified. So, as I began to realize that other people's houses weren't as tidy as mine, I was pretty snotty about it. I judged the hell out of my friends' homes and their mothers' apparent failure to clean. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized how messed up that is.
My kids will never be that way. My house is untidy on a good day, and completely wrecked on a bad day. My children will never see a messy house and judge the mother as a result, because they know that people live in their houses and living is messy business.