Romper

8 Things Lazy Moms Are Tired Of Hearing

Fotolia

I consider myself to be pretty hardworking and industrious in most areas of my life. I've always had an excellent work ethic, from very first job at a local bakery, to working nights and weekends to pay for my schooling to studying for my Masters in the evenings after a full day of teaching. However, now that I'm a mom I'm just so damn tired. In fact, I've become a little lazy and while I make no apologies for said laziness, there are definitely things us lazy moms are tired of hearing.

I feel like my usual energy and enthusiasm has waned somewhat and since I've procreated, so it's safe to say I've switched to somewhat of a survival mode (for the most part). Plus, I find myself in  somewhat of a unique situation, in that I'm both a working mom and a stay-at-home mom, in that I work from home full time while simultaneously tending to my child all damn day long.

When I compare myself to my own mother, I realize that I definitely don't make the same effort with my child as she did with me. However, I try to justify the difference by remembering that I have to work, and she didn't. Because I'm working and always with my son I never get a break, which sometimes makes me feel overwhelmed and like I want (read: need) to escape. Which is why I have no problem embracing my new identity as a lazy mom, and why I have no problem saying that I'm definitely tired of hearing advice like this:

"Why Don't You Do More Crafts With Your Kid?"

giphy

Anytime I call my mom to vent about my kid's tantrums and unreasonable toddler behavior, her "helpful" suggestions always involve me getting the fun foam and glue gun out and doing crafts.

The only craft experience I have ever enjoyed was a "make your own pastie" night at my burlesque class. Otherwise, I just find the entire ordeal to be nothing short of messy and fiddly. Perhaps my years as a teacher spoiled the pastime for me, but as far as I'm concerned "glitter" is a dirty word.

"Baking Something From Scratch Is Healthier"

So what if people sneer at your contribution to the bi-weekly potluck, right? Who cares if you have to deal with raised eyebrows when you mention that your dish was store bought?

I actually like to cook, but my kid is such a picky eater that once I find something he will actually eat I tend to stick to that, and only that.

"You Should Really Make More Of An Effort With Your Appearance"

giphy

Pre-baby me was a fan of spa visits, expensive haircuts, manicures, pedicures and the like. Now? Yeah, now I just can't be bothered with extensive upkeep. .

Of course, indulging in some "me" time and taking care of myself is vital for my self-esteem and mental healthy, and invariably involves some maintenance and a bit of a beauty routine. However, this lazy mom also thinks brushing my teeth and putting my hair in a messy ponytail is more than sufficient.

"You Better Make Sure You Stay Fit"

I was pretty active before my pregnancy, as well as during. I took yoga, Pilates, water aerobics and walked on a daily basis. However, since having a baby my fitness routine has taken a bit of a, um, "break." And by "break," I mean, "has disappeared entirely."  

I take my son for an hour long walk and park visit every day but, apart from that, you can usually find me sitting on my couch and I don't see that changing anytime soon. After all, the only time I am without my little one is in the evenings. Once the bedtime routine is completed and dinner has been consumed, I don't want to do anything except eat some licorice in bed and watch old reruns of Sex In The City.  

"Your Kid's Clothes Should Really Match, You Know"

giphy

My son hates socks, so as soon as we get home from the park he peels them off as quickly as he can and throws them over his shoulder.

I am far too lazy to take said socks that he has worn for less than an hour and launder them all every time, so I take them and put them in a sock box by the front door. I'll pull socks out when needed and, well, there's just no guarantee those socks will match. #SorryNotSorry

"TV Time Is Horrible For Children"

giphy

When I was pregnant I swore my child wouldn't watch any TV until he was school aged. Then my kid became a 2-year-old toddler, and I became an exhausted mother. I'm all about finding and using anything and everything that will calm him down so, yeah, television time it is, my friends.

"Do You Want To Schedule A Play Date?"

giphy

I hate playdates. The whole notion of organizing and scheduling something as natural and intuitive as play, seems so forced and like way too much work.

Its not just the organizing of your datebook that's a hassle, it almost always involves some house cleaning, otherwise you might die of shame when the other mother sees how you really live. So, yeah, I much prefer just taking my kid places and letting him play with new little friends, although I am pretty sure as he gets older I may have to embrace the concept of playdates and actually put in a little effort. Ugh.

"You Should Keep Your House Clean"

giphy

When I first had my son and decided I would be working from home, I honestly believed that I would be able to keep the house tidier than I had when I had a full time job outside of the home. Ha.

It took me a few weeks to realize that babies come with a lot of stuff and make a ridiculous mess. It took me just a few days to realize that, as a new mother, you're exhausted and simply don't have the time or the energy to keep things as clean as you usually would.

So, as a fellow lazy mom in arms, here is my gift to you:

Lazy Mom Cleaning Tips, for when you are visited by unexpected guests (these people are the worst by the way)

  • Fill the sink with soapy water and chuck everything in it, as though you were just doing the dishes
  • Lay clothes flat on your bed and then throw the duvet over the top to hide them all
  • Push everything in the closet and shut the door
  • Put all toys in the crib and put a blanket over the top
  • Chuck bathroom mess into the tub and pull the shower curtain closed to hide it

You're welcome, mama. Stay lazy!