9 Questions Parents Who Only Have One Kid Are Truly Exhausted Of Hearing

Not sure about you guys, but I’ve noticed that there is a spectrum of sharing when it comes to family planning. Some people are comfortable shouting from the rooftops what they're baby-making plans are, while some prefer to keep that information to themselves. Regardless of how much information you offer, I've seen people who just seem to enjoy telling you how many kids you should have, or casually asking if you'll have one kid or two, or three or five or 20.

And where you fall of the Comfortable Sharing My Reproductive Plans spectrum, it's always a personal thing, and whether someone has zero kids or 10, they're never devoid of good reasons for that choice. I’ve had friends who would announce to anyone with at least one working ear that they were trying to have more kids; I’ve had friends casually mention their baby-making plans (or lack thereof) when it was already a topic of conversation; I’ve had friends keep it so down low that it wasn’t open information until the baby arrived and they posted pics on Facebook.

As for my partner and I, we fell in the middle of the spectrum: We weren't blurting information out, but we didn't necessarily dodge the question if we were asked. Even once I was pregnant, we mostly kept the over-sharing to a minimum until I was starting to show. It’s a choice for every couple to make on their own, though at least for us, it felt right to err on the side of caution since neither of us had ever tried for a baby and we had no idea how it would go.

Well, if you're reading this, we made it. As you may have already figured out, we now have child. In fact, our son is now a toddler, so I’m sure you can guess what that means: We’re getting lots and lots and lots of questions and comments about our next child and our reproductive future. Here’s a sampling of the most frequent ones (which we would gladly go the rest of our lives without hearing):

"When Are You Having Another?"

The only way I’m going to answer this question is if I’m already pregnant and well into my second trimester. Since this is not currently case, I’m going to shrug my shoulders and say, “The jury’s out.”

"Do YOU Have Any Siblings?"

Even though I know you are using this information to assess the likelihood of us having more kids, I’m going to smile politely and say that yes, yes I do have a sibling. I have one brother. Yes, we get along quite well, thanks for asking. And yes, I’m well aware of what that knowing smile you’re giving me is supposed to mean. But no, I’m not going to respond directly to it.

"Just Wait Until You Have Two. You’ll See."

What will I see? Winning lottery numbers? A new Panera on my block? More new Harry Potter books? Please, tell me, I can’t handle the suspense!

"One Is Just A Hobby."

Ouch. Tell that to any parent dealing with a diaper explosion at three in the morning, I’m sure he or she will be happy to compare it to knitting, fishing, or gardening.

"Don’t You Want Him To Grow Up With A Sibling?"

Actually, I want him to grow up with a closet full of hoodies with ears, hover boards, and with dormant wizarding abilities that don’t show until he’s 12, so I guess we'll just have to see, won't we? I have a lot of dreams for my kid, guys.

"Do Your Friends Have Kids?"

I mean, some do and some don't. Some have one kid and some have two or three. Some of them drink coffee and some don't, and some of them have excellent taste in friends and some... Wait, actually, no. All of them have excellent taste in friends. What was the question, again? Oh right, yeah, I'm not seeing the relevance.

"Does He Have Cousins?"

Maybe I'm being sensitive, but I feel like the answer to this is only going to open up more commentary on the size of my extended family and how awesome it is/is not for my son. I'd rather talk about... Oh, I don't know...the weather or current events, or the inner workings of Chris Pratt and Anna Faris's marriage, in all its glory. Let's start there and make our way to personal questions about my family circa never.

"Does He Get Enough Play Dates?"

I mean, does any kid get enough play dates?

"Are You Making Sure He Gets Socialized With Other Kids?"

So he can have awesome manners like you? Oh, sorry, that was snarky. What I meant to say was, “So he can have awesome manners like you, sir?”