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9 Things Having An Emergency Cerclage Taken Out Actually Feels Like

My second pregnancy was considered a high-risk and, as a result I was carefully monitored. At five months my doctors noticed my cervix was too short, so I was rushed to the hospital and given two choices: go on bed rest or get an emergency cerclage, which is a stitch in the cervix. I chose the latter. The initial procedure wasn’t so bad, but the removal was, well, something else. So if you’re wondering what may be in store for you, I can tell you exactly how it feels to have a cerclage taken out.

Of course, it's worth mentioning that I can only speak from my personal experience. If you search online, there will be women who swear up and down that removing their emergency cerclage was a damn breeze. They'll say there was no pain involved whatsoever and, hey, that's their personal experience.

Me, on the other hand? No pain? I freaking wish. It would have been nice to feel like it was just a quick routine procedure but, for me, it wasn’t. I was one of those unlucky ones that had scar tissue grow over the stitches. As such, my OB-GYN had to poke and prod me for what felt like forever. It was honestly more traumatic in some ways than what it felt like to give birth (and I chose to give birth unmedicated). I highly recommend asking for pain meds of any and all sorts if the removal of a cerclage is in your future, though I know you can’t usually use much while pregnant. If not, at least you'll be able to say you've experienced something that feels very much like the following:

Like Your Worst Dental Visit

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You know how some folks have a fear of the dentist? You know, because of all those terrible sharp, pointing objects used to torture you (or at least your gums)?

Yeah, imagine they’re using those same objects, but at the top of your vag.

Like Someone Slicing Up Your Insides With Dental Floss

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Every stitch being pulled caused horrible pain, like when you accidentally go too deep with the floss. Honestly, though, I’d rather cut up my gums. Well, more or less.

Like A Million Tiny Paper Cuts On Your Cervix

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As I lay there waiting for my doctor to finish her destruction of my poor cervix, I could just picture how potentially bloody the scene might be. It actually wasn’t, though some cramping and spotting did occur a bit after. While it was happening, though, it felt as though a tiny army of little ninjas were all up inside me, slicing and dicing with little paper stars.

Like Using A Derma-Roller In Your Vagina

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Have you ever used a derma-roller? OK, I actually haven’t, but I hear they essentially prick your skin with teensy little needles. Now imagine tiny little needles pricking your cervix.

Like A Baby Pulling On Internal Earrings

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I’m not talking about when they do it softly and playfully. I’m talking about those unexpected moments when the baby just outright yanks the hell out of your earring. Like when it ends up coming completely off the lobe, or worse, gets stuck halfway between on and off and all those tiny parts pinch you out of nowhere. Yeah, like that.

Like Rusty Nails Being Drilled Into Your Softest Body Part

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I imagine cerclage removal could totally fit into some sick and twisted horror flick. Like a Texas Chainsaw Massacre type film, where the villain decides they’re going to drill rusty nails into you so you’re not only in pain, but you also get tetanus. It is awful.

Like Dozens Of Mouse Traps Clamping Down & Pulling Away

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I’ve never had the pleasure of being caught in a mouse trap, but I have jammed my finger in a drawer. Same? Kinda? Well, I imagine the mousetrap is worse, and the cerclage removal is likely similar.

Like Someone Jumping Your Abdomen While Wearing Stilettos

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Not only does all the pulling and yanking hurt, you also end up having awful cramps while it’s all happening. Our insides don’t like having a speculum in there for 10-15 minutes at a time, nor do they enjoy being poked and pulled on. When I closed my eyes, I could just picture someone dancing all over my abdomen in their shiny heels, not caring about all the pain it was causing. Ugh.

Like Frostbite In Your Lady Parts

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I finally experienced close to legit frostbite this year when I was playing in the snow without proper gloves. It hurt in this terrible, cutting sort of way. The cerclage had that same internal pain quality of frostbite, except it wasn’t really all that cold (although my hospital room was).