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11 Annoying Things I’d Rather Do Than Survive Another Snow Day

I love living in Connecticut. Everything about New England suits me, even the fact that winters here can be harsh. But sometimes those harsh winters really test the limits of my regional pride. In fact, I can safely say in this moment that if I have to deal with one more snow day I swear...

Of course, I knew when I chose to live here that snow was going to be an issue. And yes, sometimes, I even like a fresh blanket of powdery white covering my world. I'm less enthusiastic about it covering the long, steep, bumpy driveway part of my world, sure, but you know what? I deal. I knew that snow days would be an issue, and if the roads are unsafe, believe me, I am all for keeping everyone inside.

But as a work-from-home mom, snow days present some unique challenges. It's like "take your child to work" day, only Leslie in HR doesn't have anything planned to keep your kids occupied and your kids on their home turf so they feel perfectly entitled to ignore the fact that you need to get anything done at all. And one take your child to work day a year is probably enough, but there have been some winters where we've had a dozen snow days over the course of three or four months, and that's a lot of "working with your kids in tow" time, my friends. So with that in mind, here are but a few things I'd rather have to deal with with another snow day:

A Monday

No matter your circumstances — whether they be working mom, stay-at-home mom, work-from-home mom, — Mondays (or simply the idea of Mondays) are just so hard. You're whinier. You get less done. Things take so much longer. You're more distracted. I would rather deal with that than a snow day. Because whatever your Monday looks like, there's going to be more whining and distraction on a snow day.

A Tiny Whirlwind In My House

The end result — chaos and destruction as far as the eye can see — is going to be more or less the same. At least if I could get video of a tiny whirlwind indoors I might go viral and make a few bucks. Maybe I'd even go on Ellen!

If I post a video of my children being destructive animals I'd at best, get comments from other parents in my school district being like, "Girl, same life."

A Waitressing Shift

Fun fact: if my children are not fed every 27 seconds they apparently die.

Second fun fact: they can not eat at the same time.

Third fun fact: they only want to eat half of whatever it is they just asked for.

The end result is that I'm up every 14 seconds getting them something else to stuff in their face (because apparently they cannot find anything themselves despite the fact that everything is at their eye level) and I'm wasting a ton of food.

And, like, waitressing is hard, but at least waitresses get tips.

Become An Anchorite

During the Middle Ages, it was a practice for some people (mostly women) to retire from worldly life and enter a tiny cell adjoining a church and just... stay there. For the rest of forever. Some anchorites would provide advice and prayers to visitors through a tiny hole in the wall, but more often and most of the time they would just live lives of prayerful isolation.

I'm a very extroverted, chatty person, but when I'm constantly being talked at by my children (usually about Pokémon or unicorns) I start to think there's a lot to be said about the Anchorite spirituality.

Live In A Zoo

Again, it's basically the same thing as being cooped up with my energetic, off-the-wall children who are, after all, tiny little animals themselves. And that's fine! I don't begrduge them their playful rambunctiousness, but holy crap does it get old fast when I'm trying to work. So I feel like the adorable novelty of being wrestled by little pandas would be a bit more tolerable, you know?

Watch Hours Of Crappy TV

"You're not going to let the TV babysit your kids are you?"

Oh hell yes I am, and you won't find a cheaper sitter anywhere in the world. Look, I'll encourage my kids to go play in their room and read and do art projects and all kinds of cool stuff for as long as possible. But there will come a time when they kick up because they've already covered a lot of ground with their toys and imaginations and they're bored and I have no problem saying, "You know what? It's a snow day! You go ahead and have fun binge watching whatever stupid show holds your interest right now." I mean, that's what I like to do on my days off, so why would I deny my kids the same opportunity?

Also it's literally the only way to get work done and also avoid deepening the already mounting mess.

Start A Plate Spinning Act

It's just a really good metaphor for motherhood in general and especially motherhood on a day when I have to work and both my kids are always within shouting distance.

Visit Expensive Indoor Play Places

Just take my money if it means these children will burn off a fraction of this energy. (Please note, however, that I will only ever really resort to this when we've had multiple days off in a row.)

Contract Upper Respiratory Infections

You know, the ones my kids will inevitably catch after going to an enclosed area where nothing can really be completely sanitized and has been touched by a thousand other kids who have been cooped up all winter.

Get A Colonoscopy

Because I swear to God, my two children physically live up my butt all day but don't even have the decency to tell me if they found any polyps.

Live Through Summer Vacation

Because at least in the summer I can send them outside for a few hours without worrying about them getting frostbite.