Sadly, I've been shamed by people on both sides of the so-called mommy wars aisle. I've been shamed for being a breastfeeding, baby-wearing crunchy mom, and for being a science-loving, formula-feeding scrunchy mom. I have been shamed for not spanking my kids and for raising them vegetarian. For working, and then for staying home. So I truly believe moms can't win, no matter what we do.
But maybe there's a way to predict what you're most likely to get mom-shamed for? You know, so you can know in advance and, hopefully, steel yourself against the people who might try to cut you down with their judgmental stares? So, I turned to astrology to see if I could find some answers. Honestly, no one was as surprised as me to learn that when it comes to my sign, the stars are pretty spot on. I am a Cancer, which supposedly means I'm intuitive and empathetic, especially when my family is concerned. But as a Cancer I also have a tendency to be over-emotional and insecure. I want to be the best mom I can be for my kids, but when faced with mom-shaming I pretty much turn into weeping hot-mess. It's like the universe knows me.
If my astrological profile was this damn accurate, I'm pretty convinced others' are, too. It seems like no matter what your parenting style or choices, someone will find fault with something you do. Read on to find out what you are going to be shamed for. Who knows? Maybe knowing will help you ignore the haters, and refuse to participate in the so-called mommy wars. One can only hope.
Capricorn (December 22 — January 19)
According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, people with this sign are responsible and disciplined. In other words, they have the tendency to be total control freaks. This means that you will try to get your baby on a set routine as soon as humanly possible. But also, that you are likely to turn into quite the "helicopter mom," always hovering around your child and never letting them do anything without your guidance.
Unfortunately, other moms are totally going to shame the heck out of you for this, and when you are just doing what you know is best for your unique family. And, yes, you do know best. After all, you are a Capricorn.
Aquarius (January 20 — February 18)
People born under the sign of Aquarius hate being bored, and as a parent you are likely to over-schedule yourself and your kids to avoid the banal routine that many parents find themselves in. So, yeah, people will shame the heck out of you for signing your kid up for every sport and extracurricular activity available. At the same time, they also will shame the heck out of you for doing necessary self-care and getting a break once in a while, which you totally deserve. Moms can't win no matter what they do, you guys.
Pisces (February 19 — March 20)
According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, people born under the sign of Pisces are compassionate and gentle, which means they can rock the hell out of motherhood. It also means that people might judge you for choosing to be gentle parents and not using physical discipline or punishment with your kids. You can gain solace in the fact that this is an area where science totally backs you up, so you can ignore people when they try to mom-shame you for not spanking your kids.
Aries (March 21 — April 19)
According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, Aries are passionate, enthusiastic, and determined. Aries moms are likely to be confident. They also have a tendency to be impatient, which means you might have occasionally lose your sh*t in public. The good news is that every parent loses their cool sometimes, and unless they are offering to help, you totally get to tell people shaming you off. You are an Aries, after all.
Taurus (April 20 — May 20)
So, Tauruses have a tendency to be stubborn, which sounds like a bad thing. But they also have more patience than any other sign of the Zodiac. So, dear Taurus, you are definitely the mom who will let her kid wait at the top of the slide until they are absolutely ready to come down, or let them sit at a restaurant for hours, picking at the pancakes they simply had to have but now, for reasons unknown, won't eat. People are going to shame you for this, but as an overprotective Taurus your family's needs come first, no matter what other people might say.
Gemini (May 21 — June 20)
According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, Geminis have dual personalities. Their tendency to be gentle, affectionate, and adaptable makes them great parents. However, they seriously hate routines, which means instead of sleep training they are likely to let baby come to bed with them for snuggly bed-sharing sessions, something people are definitely going to shame the hell out of them for.
Cancer (June 21 — July 22)
As I cancer, I was absolutely not surprised to learn that we are emotional, sensitive, and intuitive. That means we are loving mothers, but also that we feel scrutinized and hurt when we're shamed for our parenting choices. Even if people don't mean to hurt our feelings, they usually do, for one reason or another. And when sanctimommies target us for real, it totally makes us cry. Cancers moms will be mom-shamed for just about everything. At least, it will definitely feel that way.
Leo (July 23 — August 22)
Leos are the bravest of the signs of the Zodiac. They absolutely don't care what you think of them. So, they will feed their baby anywhere, under any conditions, and they don't care what you think. Fortunately for Leos (but unfortunately for anyone who crosses them), they are freaking fearless. Proud lions won't let you shame them for nursing or bottle-feeding in public.
Virgo (August 23 — September 22)
According to Astrological Zodiac Signs, Virgos love nature and healthy food. So, you are totally likely to feed your kids organic, grain-free, Paleo, or vegan. Yeah, people are totally going to shame you for forcing your kids to drink kale juice and never letting them eat birthday cake at parties. And while we all can benefit from lightening up when it comes to parenting, no one should be shamed for how they choose to feed their kids, as long as their kids are thriving.
Libra (September 23 — October 22)
According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, Libras hate conflict and will do just about anything to keep the peace. As parents, this can make them a tad bit permissive, and likely to send their kids outside to play all day. This level of "free-range parenting" will definitely be judged by other moms, who honestly are probably just jealous that your kids are so independent.
Scorpio (October 23 — November 21)
Scorpios — like my husband — are passionate, determined, and calm, which means that they are committed to figuring out how to be the best parent they can be. However, they are also distrusting, so they probably don't want to let anyone else hold their baby. Like, ever. So yeah, people will judge them for never putting the baby down and "spoiling them," but guys, if it works, don't let the naysayers get you down. Holding your baby or wearing them in a carrier is fine. You can't spoil a baby. You just can't.
Sagittarius (November 22 — December 21)
According to Astrology Zodiac Signs, Sagittarius-born people have a tendency to be an impatient bunch, so when the baby just won't sleep, it might seem overwhelming and frustrating. The good news is, when it teaching your baby to sleep, Sagittarians are likely to try anything, including giving sleep training a try. The bad news is that people will shame the ever-loving sh*t out of them for it. You can gain solace in the fact that sleep training is safe and, despite their criticism, you will have the last laugh when your baby is sleeping through the night. Sleep is life.
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