Chrissy Teigen Opens Up About Feeling “Lost” After Cyberbullying Controversy
“I feel lost and need to find my place again.”
After keeping a low profile on social media in recent weeks, Chrissy Teigen opened up in a lengthy Instagram post on Wednesday about what it’s been like to become part of the “cancel club” and said that she’s been “depressed.”
The Cravings cookbook author recently found herself embroiled in an online bullying controversy over resurfaced tweets she sent to model Courtney Stodden. The tweets from over a decade ago appeared to imply that Teigen had insulted Stodden, then 16 years old, and encouraged them to die by suicide. “She wouldn’t just publicly tweet about wanting me to take ‘a dirt nap’ but would privately DM me and tell me to kill myself,” Stodden told The Daily Beast.
While Teigen had apologized for her old tweets, she wrote in her recent Instagram post that she believes she is part of the “cancel club.” Teigen has since stepped away from her voiceover role in the hit Netflix series Never Have I Ever and her cookware products were taken off store shelves.
Teigen, who is mom to 5-year-old daughter Luna and 3-year-old son Miles with husband John Legend, went on to describe how she is feeling in the aftermath of this controversy. “Iiiii don’t really know what to say here...just feels so weird to pretend nothing happened in this online world but feel like utter sh*t in real life. Going outside sucks and doesn’t feel right, being at home alone with my mind makes my depressed head race,” she wrote. “But I do know that however I’m handling this now isn’t the right answer. I feel lost and need to find my place again, I need to snap out of this, I desperately wanna communicate with you guys instead of pretending everything is okay. I’m not used to any other way!!”
“Cancel club is a fascinating thing and I have learned a whollllle lot,” she continued. “Only a few understand it and it’s impossible to know til you’re in it. And it’s hard to talk about it in that sense because obviously you sound whiney when you’ve clearly done something wrong. It just sucks. There is no winning. But there never is here anyhow.”
Teigen has been transparent about her mental health in the past. When she lost her third child, Jack, at 20 weeks gestation in 2020, she told Ellen DeGeneres that she went into therapy to help her cope with the trauma. “You really don't know the meaning of the word 'unimaginable' until something like that happens to you. And then afterwards, there's such a spiral of things you could've done differently and you start to get really tough on yourself,” Teigen said during the interview. “But what you learn through it about yourself is such a wild, incredible thing.”
Prior to her pregnancy loss, Teigen suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of daughter Luna in 2017. In a candid essay for Glamour, Teigen opened up about her experience, writing in part: “I also just didn’t think it could happen to me. I have a great life. I have all the help I could need: John, my mother (who lives with us), a nanny. But postpartum does not discriminate. I couldn’t control it. And that’s part of the reason it took me so long to speak up: I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I’m struggling. Sometimes I still do.”
In her latest Instagram post, Teigen concluded that she “misses” her followers on social media and “just needed an honest moment with you because I’m just...tired of being sick with myself all day.” She added, “I don’t even know if it’s good to say any of this because it’s gonna get brutally picked apart but I dunno. I can’t do this silent sh*t anymore! If you or someone you know has also been cancelled please let me know if there is a cancel club reunion because I could use some time off my couch!”
If you or someone you know is seeking help for mental health concerns, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website, or call 1-800-950-NAMI(6264). For confidential treatment referrals, visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website, or call the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP(4357). In an emergency, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or call 911.