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30 Clever Pregnancy Instagram Captions For When You Literally Can't Even

Like most hard things, when you're pregnant, it helps a ton to have a sense of humor. Sometimes, you just have to sit down and really think about how special the entire experience really is, even if it does totally suck. A lot. So here are 30 clever pregnancy Instagram captions for when you need a little inspiration or a quote to go along with that bump photo, or for when you need some laughs over these long 9 months.

It's hard to keep a smile when someone asks if you're having twins for the thousandth time, or if your new pregnancy "glow" consists of being really, really sweaty from those oh so wonderful pregnancy hot flashes. These quotes from all over the Internet show that you're not alone, and there is no perfect pregnancy. Plus, pregnancy can be pretty funny at times, but as a fellow currently pregnant person, I know that it can also be a drag and leave you feeling wistful for a glass of wine at the end of the day, or to be able to see your feet. The time is coming, my friends. Soon you'll have a brand new baby to snuggle and nuzzle, and who knows? You may even miss being pregnant one day. (I know, I know. Too soon.)

But regardless of how you feel, these 30 pregnancy Instagram captions can help you perfectly capture this time in your life, along with the perfect bump shot.

"During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels when he has a fever.”

Poor babies.

“I was told there would be glowing.”

All I have is rosacea and acne. #Thankspregnancy.

“My head says broccoli, but my bump says french fries.”

It's a delicate balance, OK?

“A baby makes love stronger, the days shorter, the nights longer, savings smaller, and a home happier.”


“People always say that pregnant women have a glow. And I say it’s because you’re sweating to death.” – Jessica Simpson


“Just when you think you know love, something little comes along to remind you just how big it really is.”

Getting flutters in my tummy and this time, it's not from the baby.

“The miracle of life is taking place inside of me and I love and honor my ever changing body.”

Stretch marks, visible veins, acne, and all.

“Happiness is on the way.”

Not soon enough.

“Bra off. Hair up. Belly out.”

The second I get home, all bets are off.

“It’s the small moments that make life big.”

Definitely the biggest life change so far!

“The pain that you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.”

What Dorothy said.

“I do not have a waddle — it’s called pregnancy swag.”

Get it right.

“‘Relax, baby will come when it’s ready,’ said no overdue pregnant woman ever.”

What are you doing in there?

14 . “You know you’re in your third trimester when you drop something on the floor and walk away muttering, 'F*ck it!'”

Totally not worth the effort.

“You know you’re pregnant when all you fantasize about is sleeping for more than one hour at a time.”

Pregnancy insomnia is no joke.

“I haven’t had alcohol in months. This isn’t a pregnancy glow, this is a detox glow.” – Mommie Pickles

Nothing like cutting out all alcohol to make you look so well rested and refreshed.

“I’ve reached that point in my pregnancy where I no longer want to wear pants.”

Walk through the door, pants come off.

“You can’t drink any alcohol and you still have a hangover in the morning.”

This is seriously a cruel joke.

“Being pregnant made me realize it takes talent to not pee yourself when you sneeze.”

I am working on this talent. So far, I have a 70 percent success rate, TBH.

“What idiot decided to call it ‘morning’ sickness? This crap lasts all day.”

For real.

“To pee, or not to pee, that is never the question. Pee.” – Mommie Pickles


“If heartburn during pregnancy means you’ll have a hairy baby, I’m about to give birth to Chewbacca.”

"Rrrrrrr-ghghghghgh!" Thanks, Reddit.

“When people point at my pregnant belly and ask if I know what it’s going to be, I like to say, ‘We’re hoping for a baby.’”

Come on, now.

“Oh sh*t. There it is. That moment during pregnancy when you realize that shaving your legs has become a life-and-death struggle.”

It's so far away.

“Yes I am still here. No, the baby is not. But keep texting and ringing every day, that’s meant to induce labor, right?”

I will end you.

“When people congratulate me, I like to say, ‘For what?’ and then watch them freak out.” – Mommie Pickles

Don't ever assume. You know what assume means, right?

“There’s a party going on in my uterus and I’m not invited.”

Every night and early morning. Thanks, baby.

“I’m pregnant, which means I’m sober, swollen, and hungry. Approach with caution.”


“Waiting for this baby is like picking up someone from the airport, but you don’t know who they are or what time their flight comes in.”

So much anxiety.

“Making the decision to have a baby is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – Elizabeth Stone

So sweet, and so true.

Like I said enjoy this period of your life, and try to make light of the crappy parts. You never know, you really just might miss it once you're no longer pregnant.

Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.