Reddit Has Advice For Dad Who Doesn't Want To Tell Daughter She's Not Biologically His
“Always be honest.”
It’s difficult to know when to tell your kids their birth story, particularly if it’s a complicated one. Parents who welcomed their children via surrogacy or adoption might feel the need to be extra sensitive about how their little ones came into their lives, for example, or anyone else whose path to parenthood was not stereotypically traditional. But what can you do when one parent adamantly opposes their child knowing their birth story? Reddit has some thoughts about one dad who doesn’t want his daughter to know that she is not biologically his child.
A concerned mom recently took to Reddit’s parenting forum to ask for guidance with an issue in her household. “We have a 4 year old daughter. She’s biologically mine, but I met my husband when she was 6 months old and he’s been in her life ever since. Side note... the ‘other person’ is NOT in the picture at all and never will be,” she wrote before going on to explain that her husband doesn’t like it when people know that their daughter is not biologically his child.
While she wants to talk to their daughter in an age-appropriate way about the fact that her father is not biologically related, her husband is against it. And she is worried that he is really only “thinking of himself” in this situation because, “The LAST thing I want is for our gorgeous girl to find out from a family member or friend (who all know anyway), or when she’s 18 and signs up for her DNA Ancestry and gets a shock. I want to tell him that he needs to put her first.”
When this mom, who is clearly trying to make sure everyone feels cared for, reached out to Reddit, her belief that she should tell her daughter the truth was reaffirmed many times over.
“Always be honest. My cousin found out her dad was not bio dad as a teenager, after his death. Everyone knew the truth except her. It was an awful time for her. And who could blame her for being upset. She did find bio dad after that, however she struggles with all parental relationships in her life as a result,” one Redditor commented.
Another person generously shared their own experience of having their story hidden from them. “I’ve found out my dad wasn’t my real dad as a 12 year old and it broke my heart and ruined my relationship with my entire family because they all knew and hid it from me. It also made me have a hatred for my mom. I don’t recommend lying. I still see my dad as my dad now, however the hurt I felt from my mom and rest of my family hiding it from me is still very much there.”
One Reddit user thought that perhaps the father might benefit from seeing some of the responses to her question. “Agreed that you should tell her. I'd sit him down and maybe show him some responses to maybe gain some perspective.”
There are so many different kinds of parents in the world, biological and otherwise. And there is certainly no shame in it.