I love babies, but I really don't miss my kids' newborn, sleep-deprived stage. Like, not at all. Sure, every now and then a sappy diaper commercial can leave me weepy and thinking to myself, "I want another baby." But then my kids scream at one another, or I remember how much work postpartum life with a newborn truly is, and I think, "Nah, I'm good." There's just too many reasons why newborns are legit the worst, you guys, and I just don't see myself going through that mess ever again. I'm getting too old and tired to sink back into dirty diapers and midnight feedings and terrifying newborn baths. I'll pass, thank you very much.
The first time I went through the newborn stage I was excited (read: naive). I'd never been a mother before, so I told myself the lie that every new parent tells themselves when a tiny human is placed in their arms: "I know it's hard for all of those other parents, but this will be easy for me." I was positive I would handle motherhood like a boss. I mean, really, how hard can it be? Turns out, really hard you guys. Life as a brand new, healing, exhausted mom was nothing like I imagined and, although I adjusted eventually, it wasn't the best of times.
The second time around, when I was pregnant with my son, I went into postpartum life with significantly lower expectations and, well, I'm glad I did. While it wasn't 100 percent easier to have a newborn again (five years after I held my daughter in my arms, to the very day) it wasn't as difficult as my first foray into motherhood. Close, mind you, but still not as harrowing. But even an easier round two didn't make me fall in love with that newborn stage. Nope, it's just never going to happen. Why? Because newborns are the worst, you guys, and here's why: